“Security is mostly superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable.” ~ Helen Keller
What do you do to foster the illusion of security? How do you convince yourself that you can have control over feeling safe and secure? What false beliefs are you operating from that perpetuate the illusion of safety and security?
- If I do everything right – if I’m ‘perfect’ – I can have control over feeling safe from rejection.
Has this worked for you? Have you ever been rejected, no matter how hard you tried to be perfect?
- If I make enough money, I will be safe.
I know many wealthy people who live with constant anxiety, fearing losing their money. Does money keep you safe from life – from the loss of a loved one, the loss of health or from having a car accident?
- If I live a quiet, no-risk life, I will be safe.
Really? Does this make you safe from loneliness, heartbreak or illness? Does this make you safe from fire, floods, tornados, earthquakes or other natural disasters?
- If I consult with the right people – the right doctor, the right lawyer, the right therapist, the right builder, architect and so on, then I can be safe and secure that all will be well. Finding the best person for the job keeps me safe.
We have all heard of people who went to the ‘best’ surgeon and had a botched operation, or the ‘best’ builder and had nothing but problems with their home.
- If I’m aggressive enough or compliant enough, then others will do what I want, and I will be safe from being left alone.
Most relationships that falter, do so because of attempts to have control over being safe from rejection.
- If I stuff myself with food, alcohol or drugs, or if I zone out with work or TV, or if I fill myself up with sex or other addictions, then I am safe from the despair of my loneliness and heartbreak.
Perhaps these temporarily work to cover over loneliness and heartbreak, but they cause their own pain – the pain of aloneness and emptiness due to self-abandonment. It is never possible to feel safe and secure when we abandon ourselves.
There may be many other things you do to attempt to feel safe, but on this planet, safety from loss and harm is an illusion. How, then, can we live a full and vibrant life?
We can learn from what Helen Keller said: “To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable.”
What allows me to do this each day, is knowing that I am not alone on this challenging journey of life. Over the years I have practiced Inner Bonding, and learned to connect with my personal source of spiritual guidance, I have felt safer and safer.
There are two main reasons I feel safer:
- I know that I am not my body – that my soul and my body are separate. While my body can be harmed and die, my soul can never die. I believe in what A Course in Miracles says at the very beginning:
Nothing real can be threatened.
Nothing unreal exists
Herein lies the peace of God.
- While my mind is incapable of knowing how to keep me safe, I’ve had experience after experience of my higher self keeping me safe.
It is these ‘knowings’ that allow me to live life as a “daring adventure”, rather than spending useless energy trying to create the illusion of safety.
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process – featured on Oprah.