In a marriage, we always have the desire that the only individual we can depend on is our spouse. This is the main reason it is so painful when a partner betrays our trust in them. Some find it difficult to rebuild trust when it has been broken, but it can be rebuilt.
The following steps will help rebuild trust in a marriage.
When you lose your confidence, regaining it is not something that will occur without any forethought, and it will not come easy. It becomes much dangerous when the atrocity committed is a serious one. It might just take a couple of days to get over a little lie, particularly if the incident is such that has not happened before. But when it comes to having an affair it may take an extended period like months or years to recoup from completely. At this point, partners need to be patient to get over the horrible incident completely.
It is Not New! It Has Happened to Many People Before You
Marriages that seem to be the best also have trust issues, and a significant number of these marriages have overcome whatever it is that you are experiencing.
It is certain that many writers have written books from the perspective of other people who have managed similar trust issue you are. You might need to join a care group for individuals with unfaithful mates, or consult a mentor who can walk you through the system of rebuilding trust.
Keep Your Promise
You pledge in your marriage vows always to be there “for better, for worse” – good, this is only a good example of the “for worse” parts of it. You pledged during your wedding to stay with your spouse through all the thin and thick situations and never to quit.
You might feel that you partner has not done well to keep up their part of the deal by whatever they did that made you not to trust them the way you have always trusted them, yet it does not benefit both of you if you keep holding on to the wrong your spouse has done.
To rebuild trust, each of the partners needs to admit that there is a problem. You cannot fix your problem if you do not know it exists.
They need, to be honest with each other concerning to what led to the problem in the first place and how they realize it. It can be hard to discuss but when both partners were discussing it together usually helps.
It is very common for people to hold on to the pains and anger you have caused them. People find it easy to bring such things up when there is an argument or misunderstanding with their spouse. Whenever you do that, it brings back bad memories, and it will not aid the healing process. When you say statements like “you have started again just as you did the last time” will not help to build the trust you want. Statements like that will only bring distrust.
Do not change your behavior; strive hard to forgive, even if it is too hard for you to forget. The secret to rebuilding trust is forgiveness, so always try to excuse.
Reestablish Your Promises
There is always need to examine values about living and what that involves. This process might be the most critical part. Set aside the opportunity to discuss what you need, what got you into this ugly situation you find yourself, and what you need to keep you moving ahead. Record it all and make a function out of it. Tell your family and friends what you will do and would not joke about this.
Confess What You Have Done
When you deny what you have done, it will just prompt more doubt, so you have to be truthful and be willing to be responsible for what you have done. However, revealing the whole truth in some cases may aggravate the hurt and even intensify the agony, and may also affect the healing process. Couples may take an extended period discussing points of interest while neglecting of what should be done to amend the wrongdoing.
Acknowledge Your Mistakes
It is important to admit your fault and say away from any excuses, explanations or justifications for your conduct. There will be an opportunity to view things from a bigger setting when your spouse might be more inquisitive about what conditions in the marriage prompted you to do whatever you have done; the opportunity may not come soon, but it will surely come.
Discuss What Made You Do It
Saying out the problem you are faced with, the reason why you need help and making known what got you into the problem in the first instance will go a long way to help you, and it will also contribute to preventing you from committing such atrocity again. In case you have a sexual addiction problem, you need a counselor help to help you overcome the addiction mess. Discussing your sentiments of estrangement is an ideal approach to reconnecting.