Most feelings of depression is caused by some form of self abandonment. The depression is your inner self’s way of letting you know that you are abandoning yourself.
Most people want to believe that their depression is being caused by the past, by other people, or by events, but these are not the cause of most depression.
There are three levels of self abandonment.
1. Self-judgment and Other Lies
The first level of self abandonment is the self-judgments and other lies we tell ourselves. Do you ever tell yourself any of these lies and judgments?
- I am not lovable.
- I am unworthy and undeserving of love.
- It is my fault that he/she doesn’t like me.
- I am inadequate.
- I am a failure.
- I am ugly. I am too tall, too short, too fat, too thin, too dark, too light, and so on.
- I am selfish when I take care of myself.
- I am alone and I will always be alone.
- No one will ever love me.
Telling yourself these lies and judgments is like telling them to a small child. The child would feel very depressed at hearing these statements from you. Likewise, your inner child – which is your feeling self – feels depressed when you judge yourself and lie to yourself.
2. Ignoring the Feelings You Are Creating with the Self Judgments
The second level of self abandonment is ignoring the pain you are causing by your self-judgment. You might further lie to yourself by telling yourself that your pain is being caused by others, the past, or circumstances, rather than by your own self-judgments and lies.
When you ignore the feelings you are causing, the message to your inner child is that he or she is not important to you. His or her feelings don’t matter. Now you not only feel the anxiety or depression coming from your lies and self-judgments, but you exacerbate your painful feelings by ignoring the feelings that you are creating.
3. Turning to addictions – Approval, Sex, Substances, Processes
Now you feel intense anxiety, depression, anger, hurt, and so on, and you further abandon yourself by turning to various addictions to numb out the pain and avoid responsibility for it.
Since you are doing anything but loving yourself and your inner child always needs love – or at least some way of filling up the inner emptiness and aloneness – your ego wounded self now turns to old learned addictive ways of avoiding pain. You might pull on someone to give you attention or approval. You might try to get someone to have sex with you, or masturbate to Internet porn. You might turn to substances: food, sugar, nicotine, caffeine, drugs or alcohol – which might temporarily alleviate anxiety or depression, but may also become a physical cause of depression. Or, you might turn to processes such as TV, work, or gambling.
Turning to any of these addictions pacifies the pain for the moment – which is how they become addictions – but because they are all ways of abandoning oneself, they only lead to more pain in the long run.
Now you are not only in pain from the self-judgments and then ignoring your feelings, but now you are in deeper pain from making others responsible for your feelings or numbing them out with substances and processes.
You are stuck in the vicious cycle of self abandonment that feeds upon itself. You will not get out of this cycle until you stop abandoning yourself and instead move into a deep desire to learn about loving yourself instead of abandoning yourself. To begin this process, you can access our free Inner Bonding® course.