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Author: Margaret Paul, PhD

Do You Have The Courage to Be a Loving Parent?

Most of us really don’t like it when someone is angry with us. We don’t like it when someone goes into resistance to helping us when we need help, instead of caring about us. We don’t like it when someone withdraws from us, disconnecting from us and shutting us out. We don’t like it when people make demands on us and do not respect our right or need to say no. Many of us will do almost anything to avoid the soul loneliness and heartache we feel when people treat us in angry, resistant, demanding and uncaring ways. It...

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What is Racism?

What is racism? I do not pretend to be an expert on what causes a person to be a racist, but I would like to explore some ideas based on the principles of Inner Bonding. Those of you who have worked with your wounded self know that one of the characteristics we often suffer from when we are in a wounded self state is that we feel either one-up or one-down. Because the wounded self is based on the core shame beliefs that we are inadequate, flawed, defective, unimportant, and so on, we feel deeply one-down to others. Often, to compensate for these difficult feelings and protect against feeling them, we deny them and instead move into the opposite position: I am better than others. This position can take many forms: I am better than others because I have more money than they do. I am better than others because I am thinner, sexier, prettier or more handsome than others. I am better than others because I have a better car. I am better than women because I am a man, or I am better than men because I am a woman. I am better than homosexuals because I am heterosexual. Racism comes into the picture when the false beliefs about being one-up extend to race and religion: I am better than Blacks, Asians and Latinos because I am...

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Who Am I?

I recently attended a conference and one of the speakers was David Stanley, who lived with Elvis Presley as his stepbrother since David was four years old. His book, about his experiences with Elvis, called “Conversations With the King,” just got published. The book is co-authored by my good friend, Dr. David Gruder. In the book, and in David Stanley’s presentation at the conference, we learn that Elvis constantly asked David, “Who am I?” He asked him this for the last time, just two days before he died. According to David, Elvis was a very spiritual man, with profoundly...

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10 Signs of a Healthy Relationship

“My parents had a very good relationship,” I often hear my clients say. “What do you mean by good?” I ask. “They didn’t fight. They spent a lot of time with each other.” That may have been the definition of a good relationship years ago, but now most people want more. Following are ten signs of a healthy relationship. Kindness Is kindness more important to each of you than having your way, being in control, or being right? Do you each receive joy out of being kind to each other? Being kind rather than controlling with each other is...

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Your Own Inner Work Affects the Whole World!

“Let everyone sweep in front of his own door, and the whole world will be clean.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe What would happen if we each learned to take 100% responsibility for our own feelings and needs – learning to attend to our feelings with compassion for ourselves, and extending that compassion to others? What would happen if each of us were conscious enough to sweep in front of our own door – which means we would be conscious enough not to dump our filth on the rest of the world? I love to imagine the possibilities! Large corporations – such as Monsanto, Dow, the mass market food industry and factory farms, the drug companies, insurance companies, the oil industry, the banks (to name just a few) – would not be harming the planet with their greed. Instead, they would use their creativity, talent and resources to create health and wellbeing for everyone. Degenerative diseases would likely be a thing of the past if keeping our environment, our food and our water clean was a high priority of all industry. Child abuse, domestic violence and crime would be things of the past. When we learn to take loving care of ourselves, we cannot harm others. Homelessness and starvation would not exist. When we each learn to take loving care of ourselves, we find ourselves extending our love out...

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