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Month: September 2011

Life: Security or a Daring Adventure?

“Security is mostly superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable.” ~ Helen Keller What do you do to foster the illusion of security? How do you convince yourself that you can have control over feeling safe and secure? What false beliefs are you operating from that perpetuate the illusion...

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A Problem with Today’s Parenting

There was an interesting article in The Atlantic, entitled “How to Land Your Kid in Therapy: Why the obsession with our kids’ happiness may be dooming them to unhappy adulthoods. A therapist and mother reports.” http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2011/07/how-to-land-your-kid-in-therapy/8555/ The article is about the way many parents focus much of their energy on being there for their children, but their children end up feeling lost and empty. One of the issues I’ve written about extensively is that half of good parenting is being there for our children, and the other half is being there for ourselves. This article says nothing about parents...

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Narcissist’s Reactions to Deficient, Fake, Negative, Low-grade, or Static Narcissistic Supply

The narcissist presents to the world a facade of invincibility, equanimity, superiority, skillfulness, cool-headedness, invulnerability, and, in short: indifference. This front is penetrated in times of great crises that threaten the narcissist’s ability to obtain Narcissistic Supply, or when the Narcissistic Supply is spurious (fake or low-grade), negative, or static. In the majority of cases, narcissists react to deficient narcissistic supply by resorting to several adaptive solutions: The Delusional Narrative Solution The narcissist constructs a narrative in which he figures as the hero – brilliant, perfect, irresistibly handsome, destined for great things, entitled, powerful, wealthy, the centre of attention,...

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Why Do We Seek Approval?

Many years ago, I became aware of feeling anxious much of the time. Since this feeling had been with me as long as I could remember, it had seemed normal – until it stopped being okay with me. It stopped being okay when I went back to school to become a psychotherapist. I realized then that, normal or not, I didn’t want to continue to live my life with this anxiety. However, I had felt this way for so long that I had no idea why I was anxious. So every time I was aware of the anxiety –...

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The Devastation of Inner Emptiness

One of the sad truths in our society is how empty many people feel, and the devastation their emptiness causes others through their resulting addictive behavior. We have all heard about the sexual acting-out of Anthony Weiner, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tiger Woods, Bill Clinton and John Edwards. We all know about the many famous people who end up in treatment centers for alcohol and drug addiction. The question is: why? Why would someone who seemingly has everything destroy their own life, and the lives of those they are close to, with their addictions to sex, alcohol or drugs? It’s true that these high-profile people seem to have everything that our society deems important for happiness and self-esteem – money and all that money can buy, relationships and fame. What is it that creates the desperate need to act out addictively when they have so much? While they have much externally, internally they are bereft – empty. And the cause of this inner emptiness is one thing only – a lack of love. But it is not a lack of love from others. These people often have the love of many people, such as spouse, children and friends. Inner emptiness is caused by the lack of love that comes from a narcissistic, entitled mindset. The lack of love that results from trying to get love, rather than be loving to oneself...

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