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Month: March 2011

How to Deal with Lying in Children and Teens

When you catch your child in a lie, it’s natural to feel betrayed, hurt, angry and frustrated. But here’s the truth: lying is normal. It’s wrong, but it’s normal. In fact, we all do it to some degree. Consider how adults use lies in their daily lives: When we’re stopped for speeding, we often minimize what we’ve done wrong, if not out–and–out lie about it. Why? We’re hoping to get out of something, even if we know better. I believe that with kids, lying is a faulty problem–solving skill. It’s our job as parents to teach our children how to solve those problems in more constructive ways. Here are a few of the reasons why kids lie. (Later, I’ll explain how to handle it when they do.) Why Kids Lie To establish identity: One of the ways kids use lying is to establish an identity and to connect with peers, even if that identity is false. Lying can also be a response to peer pressure. Your child might be lying to his peers about things he says he’s done that he really hasn’t to make him sound more impressive. To individuate from parents: Sometimes teens use lying to keep parts of their lives separate from their parents. At times it may even seem that they make up small lies about things that don’t even seem terribly important. Another reason...

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Are You Making These 4 Relationship Mistakes?

I, like many of you, was brought up and programmed to believe in a number of ideas that have turned out to be untrue. These false beliefs led me to make various life and relationship mistakes. I didn’t like making mistakes any more than you do, but it is from my mistakes that I’ve learned so much. In this article, I’m going to discuss the 4 major mistakes that I used to make and that so many of my counseling clients make before working with me. Self-judgment I used to judge and shame myself unmercifully, although mostly unconsciously. Until...

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The Law of Attraction – It’s About Frequency

Many of us have heard of the Law of Attraction – that like attracts like. However, many are confused about what this really means. In my experience, like attracts like means that like frequency attracts like frequency. My high frequency attracts the things I want and my low frequency attracts the things I don’t want. The question then becomes, what raises or lowers frequency? What Lowers Frequency? Anything that makes you feel down lowers your frequency. Here is a list of what I have found lowers frequency: Intent to control – When your desire is to control your feelings,...

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Do You Believe What You Perceive?

“Perception is a mirror not a fact. And what I look on is my state of mind, reflected outward.” – – A Course in Miracles I remember many years ago seeing the movie “Rashomon” (starring Toshiro Mifune and directed my Akira Kurosawa) where three people saw a murder committed and each saw it completely differently. Of course, each believed that what they saw was the truth. It is hard for many people to understand that perception is a mirror of what is going on for them on the inner level, rather than what is actually going on. This is...

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Patricide: How Young Leaders Mistreat Their Predecessors

By definition, leaders are authority figures and, as such, stand in for one’s father, especially in patriarchal and traditionalist societies. Old-school psychoanalysts would tell you that such substitution is bound to provoke one’s latent Oedipal complex and proclivity for patricide, whether actual (in the form of an assassination) or symbolic (in the form of dissent and disdainful criticism). Young, emerging leaders more often than not treat their predecessors this way: as hated parent-figures. This is especially true when the new or young leader’s childhood has been marked by the traumas wrought on by an absent, or an abusive father....

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