Month: January 2011

Relationships and Emotional Connection

Do you love it when you feel deeply emotionally connected with someone? When you feel seen, understood, valued and cherished? This is what initially draws two people together and leads to falling in love. Then what happens? Why does the connection go away? When most people first meet, they allow each other to see only certain parts of themselves, but they often hide the deeper parts of themselves. Why? Because they fear being rejected for who they really are. They fear being rejected for who they really are because they think there is something wrong with them. Believing there...

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My Child’s Behavior Is So Bad, Where Do I Begin?

“My child misbehaves so much that I don’t even know where to start!” This is one of the most common things we hear on the Parental Support Line, and it’s an understandable problem. Many parents tell me they feel overwhelmed, frustrated and anxious when dealing with their child or teen’s acting out behavior; they wonder how they’ll be able to tackle so many issues at once. But here’s a secret: thinking about the problem in this way will only make you feel defeated before you even start. James Lehman says: “Start where your child is and coach them forward.” In other words, build on your child’s strengths and keep your expectations reasonable. We also recommend that you not try to tackle everything at once, but pick one or two behaviors you want to change and then move on from there. Remember, your overall goal is to see your child make improvements—it’s not simply to have your child do what you tell them to do. If you feel completely overwhelmed by your child’s behavior problems, here are 8 tips to help you focus on changing your child’s behavior, step by step. 1. Try to Have Reasonable Goals I think that many times instead of trying to make gradual changes, parents expect that all the inappropriate behavior will stop immediately. The truth is, you might see certain behaviors stop right away,...

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When You Feel Hurt By Your Partner

I grew up with a very angry mother who would attack me out of the blue. As a highly sensitive only child, the fear and heartbreak of being treated so unlovingly was unbearable. So rather than feel the hurt, I numbed it out by learning to stay in my head rather than being present in my body, and by focusing on caretaking others’ feelings. The only way I could survive was to not know that I was being so hurt. I had so deeply shut out knowing about my own pain that when I had children, I thought nothing...

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Do You Feel Loved or Unloved?

Do you feel unloved? Do you know what would make you feel loved? Ask yourself: Who do you feel loved or unloved by? Your partner? Your parents? Your children? Yourself? God? Feeling Loved or Unloved by Yourself and/or God What does it mean to feel loved or unloved by yourself? You will likely feel unloved by yourself when you abandon yourself by: Ignoring your feelings by staying in your head rather than being present in your body. Judging yourself, being negative, rather than being kind, caring and compassionate with yourself. Turning to various addictions to avoid feeling your feelings...

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Taking the Risk of Loving

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. but in that casket – safe, dark, motionless, airless – it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least...

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