Month: March 2010

The Heart of Healing

I have spent many years trying to discover the ONE thing – the one vital choice – that leads to healing and joy, or to suffering. Over 35 years ago I discovered an essential piece of the puzzle: that we each have only one to two intents at any given moment – to protect against pain and responsibility for it, or to open to learning from our pain and take responsibility for it. In other words – to learn from pain or to run from pain with our various addictions. I discovered the next vital piece almost 25 years ago, after working as a traditional psychotherapist for 17 years and not being happy with the results. I discovered that there is no true healing without a connection with a personal source of spiritual guidance. The mind cannot heal itself. Many people in our world are spiritually off-course, having become convinced that they cannot access Spirit directly – that they have to do it through a priest or a minister to get to God. We cannot manage the pain of life – lose of loved ones, rejection, abuse, violations, loss of limb, illness – without a direct experience of Spirit, without the compassion, wisdom and strength that comes only from Spirit. When we do not know how to have this direction connection, then our only choice is to run from...

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Addictions: Talking as a Form of Resistance

I am sitting with Bryan at one of my 5-Day Inner Bonding Intensives. Bryan is talking about one thing after another, and I cannot follow him at all. Nor can I connect with him. My loneliness in sitting with him is giving me important information – that he is in his head, in his wounded self, protecting against his feelings and responsibility for his feelings. “Bryan, would you be willing to take a deep breath and put your focus into your heart?” Bryan starts to debate with me, asking irrelevant questions, deflecting, trying to pull me into his system...

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From Problem Child to Child Behavioral Therapist: James Lehman’s Personal Transformation

This week, James Lehman, MSW sits down with EP Editor Elisabeth Wilkins to talk about his life, his new book, and the hard-won lessons he discovered growing up as a defiant, acting-out child. From being abandoned in a basement as an infant to a life of crime and drug addiction in his teens and young adulthood, learn how James transformed his life—and how he’s teaching parents across North America to do the same thing with their own children. Q: James, you had a difficult childhood and adolescence, and were headed down a dangerous path. Today you’re a nationally renowned...

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Oppositional Defiant Disorder: The War at Home

When Hunter was a baby, Pat never imagined parenting him would mean becoming trapped in an argument that would last 15 years. From the time he was old enough to express himself, it seemed that he was looking for a fight with her. “He’s a very strong-willed person,” says Pat, her polite demeanor belying an obvious understatement. “He’s manipulative, and he learned at a very young age how to make that work for him to get what he wanted.” “The simplest things always seem to turn into huge problems because Hunter simply refuses to do what he is asked...

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Addiction to Spending

“I keep getting into more and more debt, but I can’t seem to stop. I do great for a while, and then I just have to go shopping and buy stuff. This is going to ruin my life if I don’t stop, but how do I stop?” Mary Beth is addicted to spending. What does this mean and how can she stop? Mary Beth’s compulsive spending does not come out of nowhere. It is rooted in her fear of feel feelings that she believes she cannot handle. In her mind, it is easier to handle the anxiety of debt...

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