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Month: June 2009

Relationship Breakup: Heartbreak and Healing

Lindsay called me for counseling because her boyfriend of 18 months had just ended their relationship. Lindsay, 28, had been sure that Jake was “Mr. Right.” “I am so heartbroken,” sobbed Lindsay. “I don’t know how I’m going to get through this. It feels like my heart is breaking apart. I love Jake so much and I thought he loved me too. I don’t get how this could have happened, or why it happened. I feel like I can’t live without him.” “Tell me about your relationship with Jake.” “We met through a mutual friend and hit it off...

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Do You Wake Up Happy or Anxious?

“I can have a really great day, but when I wake up the next morning I feel anxious. Sometimes the better day I’ve had, the more anxious I am the next morning. I can’t figure it out.” I hear this over and over from my clients. What is happening here? The Tyranny of the Ego Wounded Self All of us have a wounded part of us that we created when we were young to try to get love, avoid pain, and feel safe. This part of us is housed in a peanut sized part of our left-brain called the...

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It’s All About Love!

What is life REALLY all about? It’s all about love! But what does this mean? Most people, when thinking about love, think about BEING LOVED. But, as an adult, the deeper soul’s journey is not about being loved – it is about BEING LOVING. For small children, the main focus is on being loved, but as we grow up we need to shift our focus from being loved to being loving. When we do not shift our focus, we end up missing out on what life is all about. Being loving is about supporting our own and others highest...

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Relationships: The Art of Listening

In 1974, Dr. Virginia Satir presented the concept of mirroring in her groundbreaking book, “Conjoint Family Therapy.” In 1975 Dr. Thomas Gordon wrote a best-selling book called “Parent Effectiveness Training.” In the book he taught parents to “active listen,” which means to reflect back to the speaker the feelings and information they are trying to convey. Mirroring, or active listening, is a powerful tool, but whether or not it works depends upon your intent. If you are active listening to another with an agenda to get them to see what they are doing wrong, or to get them to...

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Relationships: The Dance of Victims and Perpetrators

“He is always blaming me for the bad things that happen in his life, and then he tells me it’s my controlling him that is making him so angry. He yells at me and puts me down rather than deal with his own feelings. How can I get him to see that he is the one trying to control me? How can I get him to take responsibility for his own feelings rather than keep on dumping them on me?” Lillian was clearly feeling victimized by her husband Rob. It is always amazing to me when a person who...

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