Why Do Men Change After Sex?

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“Why do men so often change after sex?” asked Shelley in our first phone session.

“Tell me what you mean by this. What has been your experience?” I asked her.

“I meet a guy who I like. We are very attracted to each other – lots of great chemistry. It doesn’t take long before he is pushing for sex, and I want to have sex too. But most of the time I don’t hear from him again after having sex. Even if I wait a couple of months to have sex, this still happens. They seem so into me before sex and then completely lose interest after sex. I don’t get it.”

“Shelley, what are you looking for in a relationship?”

“What everyone wants – someone to love me, to make me feel safe and secure, someone to make me feel good inside.”

“Well, this is why men keep leaving you after sex. We attract people at our common level of woundedness. You are needy – looking for someone to love you and make you feel okay. As long as you are needy, you will attract another needy person. Like you, he is also hoping that you will fill him up and make him feel good. He is hoping that sex will do this for him, and when it doesn’t, he moves on. And it never can, since feeling loved and full and good inside comes from loving ourselves – not from being loved or from having sex.

“Until you learn to love yourself and take responsibility for making yourself feel good inside, this will continue to happen.”

“If I learn to love myself, why would I want a relationship?”

“To share love, and to learn and grow with a partner. When you learn to love yourself, you have lots of love to share and you get great joy out of sharing it with a loved one. When you learn to love yourself, you then attract a man who loves himself, and the two of you are able to share love, which is the highest experience in life. There is a huge difference between trying to get love and wanting to share love.”

“How do I learn to love myself?”

“This is what the Inner Bonding process is all about. It is a 6 Step roadmap for learning to love yourself. The first step is learning to be aware of your feelings and wanting responsibility for them. Instead of looking to a man to take away your aloneness and emptiness, your anxiety and insecurity, you decide that you want responsibility for learning how you are abandoning yourself that is causing these feelings.”

“I don’t think I can learn to love and take care of myself. My parents didn’t love me and I have no idea how to do this.”

“I understand. Most of us were not loved in the way we needed to be loved, but all of us can learn to do this. I assure you that you are capable of learning to love yourself. It takes time and practice, but you can learn to do this. And it is the only way that you will eventually create a loving relationship with a man. It has to start with a loving relationship with yourself. People always treat us the way we treat ourselves, so as long as you are abandoning yourself, you will feel abandoned by others.”

Shelley decided to learn how to love herself. It took time and practice for her to shift out of self-abandonment and into self-love, but she will tell you that it was well worth all the time and effort. Not only is she happy within herself now, but she also has a loving husband with their first child on the way.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® healing process. Are you are ready to discover real love and intimacy? Learn Inner Bonding now! Click here for a FREE Inner Bonding Course, and visit our website at www.innerbonding.com for more articles and help. Phone Sessions Available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Dr. Margaret Paul is the author/co-author of numerous best-selling books, including: Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You? Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You?…The Workbook Healing Your Aloneness The Healing Your Aloneness Workbook Inner Bonding Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By My Kids? Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God? Margaret holds a Ph.D. in psychology and is a relationship expert, public speaker, seminar leader, consultant, facilitator, and artist. She has appeared on many radio and TV shows, including the Oprah show. She has successfully worked with thousands of individuals, couples and business relationships and taught classes and seminars for over 42 years. Dr. Paul’s books have been distributed around the world and have been translated into many languages. After practicing traditional psychotherapy for 17 years, Margaret was discouraged by the results – both for her clients and herself. She had spent years trying to heal from her own dysfunctional and abusive background, but found herself still suffering with anxiety and relationship problems. She started to seek a process that works fast, deep, creates permanent change, loving relationships, inner peace, and joy. In 1984, she met and became friends with Dr. Erika Chopich, who had half the Inner Bonding® process, and Margaret had the other half! They have been evolving this incredibly powerful healing process for the last 26 years. Margaret works with individuals and couples throughout the world – on the phone, in workshops and 5-Day Intensives, and with members of Inner Bonding Village at http://www.innerbonding.com. She is able to access spiritual Guidance during her sessions, which enables her to work with people wherever they are in the world. Dr. Margaret has just completed a 12 year project call SelfQuest®, which is a transformational self-healing/conflict resolution software program. SelfQuest® is being donated to prisons and schools and sold to individuals, families, and businesses. You can read about SelfQuest® and see a short video of it at http://selfquest.com. In her spare time, Margaret loves to paint, make pottery, take photos, watch birds, read, ride and play with her horses, and spend time with her children and grandchildren.

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