What Will They Think? Love and Approval Addiction

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When you were growing up, how often did you hear, “What will they think?”

Who are “they?” Unfortunately, “they” are everyone. Many of our parents and caregivers were love and approval addicted and geared their behavior to try to have control over getting love and approval and avoiding disapproval.

This was the role modeling for many of us. Our worth was determined by what “they” would think. Most of us did not see our parents or other role models defining their own worth and validating themselves.

What about now? Is you sense of worth determined by what others think of you, or have you learned how to define your own worth? Do you get your sense of inner fullness from others’ love or do you know how to fill yourself with love?

Being love and approval addicted is a hard and tiring way to live. Being dependent upon others love, attention, and approval for your sense of safety, security, worth and lovability means that you have to constantly work to look right and perform right. You can never let up, because even if you get the love or approval that you are seeking from a person, he or she can always take it away. Or maybe they are not available and then you have to try to get it from someone else, anyone else – “they.”

We all need love. We do not thrive without it, and many do not survive without it. However, problems occur when we are dependent on others as our primary source of love and attention.

As long as you are making others responsible for defining your worth and making you feel safe and loved, you will likely continue to feel alone and empty inside. There really is another way to live!

What if you were to decide to give yourself the love and approval that you keep seeking from others? What if you were to decide to stop focusing externally and instead start to focus internally?

We all have the power to define our own worth and bring love into ourselves. While you might think that the only love that feels really great is love from another person, this is a huge false belief. If you have ever experienced a moment of Grace, where you feel full and joyous for no external reason, you know that it is possible to feel incredibly wonderful without another’s love and approval.

The only way this happens is when your heart is open to the Love that is Spirit.

We live in a sea of Love and wisdom. It is everywhere – within us and all around us. It is who we are – created in the image of God-that-is-love. When you shift your intention from trying to have control over getting love and approval, and instead move into an intent to learn about loving yourself, your heart opens to the incredible love and wisdom of your spiritual Guidance.

Try it right now. Move your focus out of your head and into your heart. Breathe into your heart. Make a decision that, for right now, you want responsibility for your own feelings of fullness and worth. Now ask one of these questions: “What is loving to me right now?” or “What is in my highest good right now?” Relax, let go, and listen for the answer. It might come in words, or images, or feelings. When you get a sense of what is loving to you right now, then do it. Take the loving action.

Now notice how you feel.

If you practice this all day, you will stop worrying about “What will they think?”

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process – featured on Oprah. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover addiction-free joy? Click here for a FREE Inner Bonding Course, and visit our website at www.innerbonding.com for more articles and help. Phone Sessions Available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Dr. Margaret Paul is the author/co-author of numerous best-selling books, including: Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You? Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You?…The Workbook Healing Your Aloneness The Healing Your Aloneness Workbook Inner Bonding Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By My Kids? Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God? Margaret holds a Ph.D. in psychology and is a relationship expert, public speaker, seminar leader, consultant, facilitator, and artist. She has appeared on many radio and TV shows, including the Oprah show. She has successfully worked with thousands of individuals, couples and business relationships and taught classes and seminars for over 42 years. Dr. Paul’s books have been distributed around the world and have been translated into many languages. After practicing traditional psychotherapy for 17 years, Margaret was discouraged by the results – both for her clients and herself. She had spent years trying to heal from her own dysfunctional and abusive background, but found herself still suffering with anxiety and relationship problems. She started to seek a process that works fast, deep, creates permanent change, loving relationships, inner peace, and joy. In 1984, she met and became friends with Dr. Erika Chopich, who had half the Inner Bonding® process, and Margaret had the other half! They have been evolving this incredibly powerful healing process for the last 26 years. Margaret works with individuals and couples throughout the world – on the phone, in workshops and 5-Day Intensives, and with members of Inner Bonding Village at http://www.innerbonding.com. She is able to access spiritual Guidance during her sessions, which enables her to work with people wherever they are in the world. Dr. Margaret has just completed a 12 year project call SelfQuest®, which is a transformational self-healing/conflict resolution software program. SelfQuest® is being donated to prisons and schools and sold to individuals, families, and businesses. You can read about SelfQuest® and see a short video of it at http://selfquest.com. In her spare time, Margaret loves to paint, make pottery, take photos, watch birds, read, ride and play with her horses, and spend time with her children and grandchildren.

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