What Is Emotional Dependency?

A woman sitting alone on a green couch waiting for something

Are you emotionally dependent? You might want to go through this checklist.

____I cannot feel lovable and worthy without another’s approval.

____I need a lot of attention from certain people to feel that I am okay.

____I don’t trust my own feelings. I need others’ to validate my feelings.

____I am afraid of rejection. I isolate, or try to be perfect, or agree with others, or give myself up, or shut down, and/or do many other things to avoid rejection.

____I am afraid to be alone.

____I often feel empty inside.

____I am often anxious around others.

____I am often jealous in my relationships.

____I take others’ uncaring behavior toward me personally.

____I get angry when others do what they want to do instead of what I want them to do.

____People have told me that I am too needy.

____I don’t know what to do with myself when I’m not around others.

____I’m fine when I’m alone, but I get tense and anxious around others.

____I often find myself blaming others for my feelings – my anger, emptiness, insecurity, anxiety, and so on.

____I believe that my good feelings should come from someone else loving me.

____I believe that my safety and security should come from someone else.

____I can’t have fun unless I’m with someone else who knows how to have fun.

____I am often anxious or depressed, guilty or shamed, hurt or angry.

This is certainly not an inclusive list, but you get the idea. You are emotionally dependent when you are not taking full, 100% responsibility for your own feelings – for compassionately nurturing your life feelings of loneliness, helplessness over others, heartache, heartbreak, sorrow and grief, and for not learning about how you are treating yourself and what you are telling yourself that is causing your wounded feelings of anxiety, depression, victim hurt, guilt, shame, anger, jealousy, and so on. You are emotionally dependent when you are not defining your own inner worth, instead making others’ approval and attention responsible for your sense of worth.

When you are not taking responsibility for your own feelings and for defining your own worth, then you are dependent upon others to do this for you. This is being a victim of others’ choices. This is emotional dependency.

The opposite of emotional dependency is emotional freedom. You attain emotional freedom when you decide to learn how to take 100% responsibility for all your own feelings.

Taking responsibility for your own feelings means:

  1. You compassionately embrace all painful life feelings – loneliness, helplessness over others, heartache, heartbreak, sorrow and grief – and learn how to manage these difficult feelings so that you don’t have to avoid them with your various addictions. As long as you use addictions to avoid these feelings instead of learning to compassionately manage them, you will continue to be emotionally dependent. These feelings are being cause by others and circumstances, but it is up to you to learn to lovingly manage them without closing down and turning to addictions.
  2. You learn to explore the feelings that you create with your own thoughts and actions – your anxiety, depression, victim hurt, guilt, shame, anger, jealousy, rage, envy, and so on. As long as you believe it is others’ choices rather than what you are telling yourself and how you are treating yourself that is causing these feelings, you will be emotionally dependent. You will see yourself as a victim until you take full responsibility for how you are creating these painful feelings with your own self-abandonment.

Being emotionally dependent is a hard way to live. Discover your personal power by learning how to take responsibility for your own feelings and becoming emotionally free.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® healing process. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Learn Inner Bonding now! Click here for a FREE Inner Bonding Course, and visit our website at www.innerbonding.com for more articles and help. Phone Sessions Available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Dr. Margaret Paul is the author/co-author of numerous best-selling books, including: Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You? Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You?…The Workbook Healing Your Aloneness The Healing Your Aloneness Workbook Inner Bonding Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By My Kids? Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God? Margaret holds a Ph.D. in psychology and is a relationship expert, public speaker, seminar leader, consultant, facilitator, and artist. She has appeared on many radio and TV shows, including the Oprah show. She has successfully worked with thousands of individuals, couples and business relationships and taught classes and seminars for over 42 years. Dr. Paul’s books have been distributed around the world and have been translated into many languages. After practicing traditional psychotherapy for 17 years, Margaret was discouraged by the results – both for her clients and herself. She had spent years trying to heal from her own dysfunctional and abusive background, but found herself still suffering with anxiety and relationship problems. She started to seek a process that works fast, deep, creates permanent change, loving relationships, inner peace, and joy. In 1984, she met and became friends with Dr. Erika Chopich, who had half the Inner Bonding® process, and Margaret had the other half! They have been evolving this incredibly powerful healing process for the last 26 years. Margaret works with individuals and couples throughout the world – on the phone, in workshops and 5-Day Intensives, and with members of Inner Bonding Village at http://www.innerbonding.com. She is able to access spiritual Guidance during her sessions, which enables her to work with people wherever they are in the world. Dr. Margaret has just completed a 12 year project call SelfQuest®, which is a transformational self-healing/conflict resolution software program. SelfQuest® is being donated to prisons and schools and sold to individuals, families, and businesses. You can read about SelfQuest® and see a short video of it at http://selfquest.com. In her spare time, Margaret loves to paint, make pottery, take photos, watch birds, read, ride and play with her horses, and spend time with her children and grandchildren.

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  1. Pingback: Emotional Dependency in D/s Relationships | Submissive Guide

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