What Creates Confidence?

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The Encarta World English Dictionary defines “confidence” as “a belief or self-assurance in your ability to succeed.”

We all know people who appear to be very confident professionally, yet when it comes to personal relationships, appear to be very insecure.

Personal confidence is totally different than professional confidence in that personal confidence is about who you are and professional confidence is about what you do.

Personal Confidence

What creates personal confidence? How does one become confident in who they are?

If you grew up with parents who valued their own inner qualities and were role models for inner confidence, and valued your inner qualities and supported you in being who you are, it is likely that you feel personally confident.

But must of us did not grow up that way. Most of us grew up with parents or other caregivers who not only lacked personal confidence, but who may have blamed and shamed us, undermining our sense of self.

However, no matter how much we may have been de-valued as children, it is never too late to learn to value ourselves now. The secret in gaining personal confidence is to get to know your true Self – your soul essence – who you really are.

Your true Self is your essential inner qualities that you were born with, such as your ability to love, to be kind and caring, to be compassionate and empathic, and to listen well. It is about your basic goodness. It is also about your creativity, your unique talents, your particular forms of intelligence, your sense of humor, your smile, your laugh – all that is uniquely you.

If you were not valued for your true Self, then it is likely that you are not seeing or valuing your essence qualities. In fact, you might have decided a long time ago that you are not good enough – that you are somehow inadequate as a person. It is this false belief that creates feelings of inadequacy and a lack of personal confidence.

Right now, imagine that you can see yourself, not from the eyes of your programmed ego wounded self, but from the eyes of your higher self – the eyes of love. Visualize yourself as a very small child and look inside at who that child is. What do you see? Is there anything about you as a small child that makes you unlovable? What are the wonderful qualities that are inherent in you as a child? If this child were your actual child, how would you feel about him or her?

Throughout the day today, practice noticing and valuing your inner qualities. If you do something kind, say to your inner child, “I really value your kindness.” If you are creative or funny, express appreciation for these qualities. Day by day, as you consistently value your intrinsic qualities, you will find yourself gaining in personal confidence. When you learn to appreciate rather than judge who you are you will feel personally confident.

Professional Confidence

Professional confidence comes with time and practice. The more you learn and practice a particular skill, the better you become at it and the more confidence you have regarding this skill. With enough time and practice, anyone can become confident in their ability to perform.

Some people attempt to define themselves by their performance, believing that what they DO defines who they ARE. When this is the case, they will continue to lack personal confidence, no matter how successful they are professionally. When you attach your worth to your external success, then you have to continually succeed to be worthy, which creates much inner stress. If you find yourself constantly judging yourself to get yourself to perform, you might want to notice that it is this self-judgment that erodes your personal confidence.

Confidence as an adult does not come from others approval. Valuing both who you are and what you do is what creates a deep level of inner confidence.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® healing process. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Learn Inner Bonding now! Click here for a FREE Inner Bonding Course, and visit our website at www.innerbonding.com for more articles and help. Phone Sessions Available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Dr. Margaret Paul is the author/co-author of numerous best-selling books, including: Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You? Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You?…The Workbook Healing Your Aloneness The Healing Your Aloneness Workbook Inner Bonding Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By My Kids? Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God? Margaret holds a Ph.D. in psychology and is a relationship expert, public speaker, seminar leader, consultant, facilitator, and artist. She has appeared on many radio and TV shows, including the Oprah show. She has successfully worked with thousands of individuals, couples and business relationships and taught classes and seminars for over 42 years. Dr. Paul’s books have been distributed around the world and have been translated into many languages. After practicing traditional psychotherapy for 17 years, Margaret was discouraged by the results – both for her clients and herself. She had spent years trying to heal from her own dysfunctional and abusive background, but found herself still suffering with anxiety and relationship problems. She started to seek a process that works fast, deep, creates permanent change, loving relationships, inner peace, and joy. In 1984, she met and became friends with Dr. Erika Chopich, who had half the Inner Bonding® process, and Margaret had the other half! They have been evolving this incredibly powerful healing process for the last 26 years. Margaret works with individuals and couples throughout the world – on the phone, in workshops and 5-Day Intensives, and with members of Inner Bonding Village at http://www.innerbonding.com. She is able to access spiritual Guidance during her sessions, which enables her to work with people wherever they are in the world. Dr. Margaret has just completed a 12 year project call SelfQuest®, which is a transformational self-healing/conflict resolution software program. SelfQuest® is being donated to prisons and schools and sold to individuals, families, and businesses. You can read about SelfQuest® and see a short video of it at http://selfquest.com. In her spare time, Margaret loves to paint, make pottery, take photos, watch birds, read, ride and play with her horses, and spend time with her children and grandchildren.

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