What Are They Thinking About Me?

Closeup of a worried woman looking over her shoulder at the camera

“You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.”
–Eleanor Roosevelt

Why should most people be thinking about you? They are far more concerned with what you are thinking about them to spend time thinking about you.

Right now, take a moment to ponder the question: “How would I feel and what would I do differently if I never thought about what people think of me?

I pondered this question many years ago and discovered some things that changed my life:

  • I discovered that I felt anxious whenever I worried about what someone thought of me, which made it impossible to be myself. As soon as I was concerned about their judgment or approval, I tried to become what I thought they wanted me to be to gain their approval. This made me so tense that even if I got their approval, I still felt bad.
  • I discovered that I was drawn to being with judgmental people – people who were very much like my parents – and I was addicted to trying to get these judgmental people to approve of me. I saw that this was a dead end – that I had no control over getting judgmental and rejecting people to be loving and kind, and I stopped being drawn to these people.
  • I discovered that even if I got their approval, it was always short-lived and I had to keep looking good and performing right to get it again. This was an exhausting way to live.
  • I discovered that no matter how hard I worked on doing things right and being perfect and never making a mistake or failing, some people liked me and some didn’t. I learned that if I was just myself and gave up being right and perfect, some people liked me and some didn’t. I finally saw that trying so hard to get love or approval was a complete waste of my time and energy!
  • I discovered that I was confusing love and approval. I learned that love is that which is unconditional and that people either gave it freely or they didn’t and it was not something I could earn or control. I might be able to control getting some approval, but not love.
  • I learned that, while approval felt good for the moment, it never fully filled me with love for myself, or confidence in myself.
  • I discovered that when I gave myself the approval, love and attention that I was trying so hard to get from others, life became much easier and more fun!

By really paying attention to my feelings and actions, I was able to completely give up even thinking about what others thought of me. I discovered the truth of what Terry Cole Whitaker said in the title of her book, “What Others Think Of Me Is None Of My Business.

It is such a freedom to never think about what others think of me! I am free to speak my truth, to say yes or no according to what is in my highest good, to love with my whole heart and soul, to freely offer my gifts and talents, to trust my own feelings and higher guidance rather than buy into others’ beliefs and opinions, to not be controlled by fear of making a mistake or fear of others’ judgment, to laugh as loud as long as I want as I want, and to cry when I am hurting or moved.

I am free to love myself and share my love with others with no agenda regarding how they will feel about me, and this is the greatest joy of all.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process – featured on Oprah. Are you are ready to discover real love and intimacy? Click here for a FREE CD/DVD relationship offer, and visit our website at www.innerbonding.com for more articles and help. Phone Sessions Available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Dr. Margaret Paul is the author/co-author of numerous best-selling books, including: Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You? Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You?…The Workbook Healing Your Aloneness The Healing Your Aloneness Workbook Inner Bonding Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By My Kids? Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God? Margaret holds a Ph.D. in psychology and is a relationship expert, public speaker, seminar leader, consultant, facilitator, and artist. She has appeared on many radio and TV shows, including the Oprah show. She has successfully worked with thousands of individuals, couples and business relationships and taught classes and seminars for over 42 years. Dr. Paul’s books have been distributed around the world and have been translated into many languages. After practicing traditional psychotherapy for 17 years, Margaret was discouraged by the results – both for her clients and herself. She had spent years trying to heal from her own dysfunctional and abusive background, but found herself still suffering with anxiety and relationship problems. She started to seek a process that works fast, deep, creates permanent change, loving relationships, inner peace, and joy. In 1984, she met and became friends with Dr. Erika Chopich, who had half the Inner Bonding® process, and Margaret had the other half! They have been evolving this incredibly powerful healing process for the last 26 years. Margaret works with individuals and couples throughout the world – on the phone, in workshops and 5-Day Intensives, and with members of Inner Bonding Village at http://www.innerbonding.com. She is able to access spiritual Guidance during her sessions, which enables her to work with people wherever they are in the world. Dr. Margaret has just completed a 12 year project call SelfQuest®, which is a transformational self-healing/conflict resolution software program. SelfQuest® is being donated to prisons and schools and sold to individuals, families, and businesses. You can read about SelfQuest® and see a short video of it at http://selfquest.com. In her spare time, Margaret loves to paint, make pottery, take photos, watch birds, read, ride and play with her horses, and spend time with her children and grandchildren.

1 Comment

  1. Nikki

    December 30, 2015 at 7:56 am

    With BPD, I struggle with this all the time! Sucks!!

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