Welcoming our Wounded Selves

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“I just want to get rid of the part of me that gets angry so easily.”

“I hate the part of me that thinks about food all the time.”

“I just want to kill the part of me that is so needy.”

For the last 35 years I have been counseling individuals, couples, families and business partners and have authored eight published books. In the course of my work, I often hear the people I counsel wanting to get rid of their wounded aspects. This would be like attempting to kill off a child who is having problems. This would, of course, cause the child many more problems.

Instead, we need to learn to welcome, embrace, love and explore with the many wounded parts of ourselves. These parts exist due to the false beliefs that we have from our childhood experiences. These parts heal with love and truth, not with being disowned.

One day, when I was walking and talking with my inner guidance, I asked about my own wounded, disowned aspects. “There is really only one disowned aspect that all the other aspects come from. This aspect is the victim. The victim is like the mothership from which all the other wounded aspects emerge.”

“Me? A victim?” I was a triffle miffed. I did not see myself as a victim. “Of course,” said my guidance. “How can anyone grow up in your society and not believe you are a victim? Everyone has had many experiences in childhood of feeling victimized. The beliefs regarding being a victim are in the very young child within. Until the beliefs within this wounded inner child are healed, you are being governed by them, even though you may not be aware of it. No one wants to feel like victim, so all the protections are to have control over not feeling like a victim. All the anger, blame, withdrawal, denial, defensiveness, resistance, caretaking and so on are to have control over not being controlled. All the addictions are to not feel the feelings of helplessness and aloneness that come from feeling like a victim. Embrace the part of you that believes you are a victim and you will find yourself able to embrace all the feelings and behavior that come from the belief that you are a victim. Who do you know who never thinks that their feelings or behavior is not caused by someone else, or by events, or by God? Who do you know who takes full responsibility for all their feelings and behavior, especially in their relationships?”

I had to admit I didn’t know anyone like that. I had never met an enlightened being.

Since then, I have delighted in embracing my victim and all the feelings that come from this false belief. My own progress has greatly excelerated as a result of this awareness.

Next time you feel anxious, angry, guilty, shamed, critical, resistant, needy, depressed, hurt – try opening your arms and welcoming this wounded child. Explore the beliefs behind these feelings and you might discover your victim. Then welcome that part with great love and compassion.


Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?”, “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By My Kids?”, “healing Your Aloneness”, “Inner Bonding”, and “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God?” Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Dr. Margaret Paul is the author/co-author of numerous best-selling books, including: Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You? Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You?…The Workbook Healing Your Aloneness The Healing Your Aloneness Workbook Inner Bonding Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By My Kids? Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God? Margaret holds a Ph.D. in psychology and is a relationship expert, public speaker, seminar leader, consultant, facilitator, and artist. She has appeared on many radio and TV shows, including the Oprah show. She has successfully worked with thousands of individuals, couples and business relationships and taught classes and seminars for over 42 years. Dr. Paul’s books have been distributed around the world and have been translated into many languages. After practicing traditional psychotherapy for 17 years, Margaret was discouraged by the results – both for her clients and herself. She had spent years trying to heal from her own dysfunctional and abusive background, but found herself still suffering with anxiety and relationship problems. She started to seek a process that works fast, deep, creates permanent change, loving relationships, inner peace, and joy. In 1984, she met and became friends with Dr. Erika Chopich, who had half the Inner Bonding® process, and Margaret had the other half! They have been evolving this incredibly powerful healing process for the last 26 years. Margaret works with individuals and couples throughout the world – on the phone, in workshops and 5-Day Intensives, and with members of Inner Bonding Village at http://www.innerbonding.com. She is able to access spiritual Guidance during her sessions, which enables her to work with people wherever they are in the world. Dr. Margaret has just completed a 12 year project call SelfQuest®, which is a transformational self-healing/conflict resolution software program. SelfQuest® is being donated to prisons and schools and sold to individuals, families, and businesses. You can read about SelfQuest® and see a short video of it at http://selfquest.com. In her spare time, Margaret loves to paint, make pottery, take photos, watch birds, read, ride and play with her horses, and spend time with her children and grandchildren.

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