The Secret to Emotional Healing

The sun shining through the trees

What does it mean to emotionally heal? It means that you know what you are thinking or doing that causes fear, anxiety, depression, guilt, fear, anger, jealousy, and so on, and how to learn from and heal these painful feelings. It means that you no longer turn to addictions to avoid loneliness, heartache, heartbreak, sorrow or grief because you know how to manage and release these painful feelings. It means that you do not feel like a victim of others’ choices and instead operate from a place of personal power, taking loving care of yourself rather than being reactive. It means that you are able to manifest the gifts you have been given and spend your time in what brings you joy. It means that you know how to fill yourself with love and share love with others rather than trying to get love and approval from others.

How Does Healing Occur?

Some therapies, such as CBT – Cognitive Behaviorial Therapy – bring about changes that can be a huge help to people suffering from depression. But what about anger, heartbreak, and relationship problems?

One of the problems with some forms of psychotherapy is that our programmed mind cannot heal our programmed mind. Much of our pain comes from the false beliefs that have been programmed into a part of our left-brain called the amygdala – which is the seat of the ego, the wounded self. All of us absorbed many false beliefs as we were growing up that now limit us and can cause us much pain.

As long as we operate from our ego wounded self, we are stuck operating from these false beliefs, as the wounded self cannot heal the wounded self. So how do we heal the false beliefs of the wounded self?

healing occurs when we develop a part of ourselves – what we call in Inner Bonding® the loving Adult – that is able to access a source of truth. Our ego wounded self has no ability to access truth. The loving Adult is a part of us that opens to learning with a spiritual source of love and truth, and learns to bring the truth through the mind – rather than the thoughts that come from the mind – which is what starts to heal the false beliefs.

The loving Adult learns to take loving action in our own behalf based on the truth that is accessed from Spirit, and the more we take loving action for ourselves and with others, the more we heal the false beliefs that are limiting ourselves and causing our pain.

While the wounded self always operates from an intent to control getting love, avoiding pain, and feeling safe, the loving Adult operates from an intent to learn about what loving to ourselves and others. It is this shift in intent – from controlling to learning about love – that begins the healing process. There is no deep, long-term healing as long as our intent is to control.

The more you learn to love yourself and share your love with others, the more you heal. The secret of emotional healing and emotional freedom is to develop your spiritually connected loving Adult, as there is no true healing without a spiritual connection. Any therapy that does not include the development of a spiritual connected loving Adult will not lead to long-term emotional freedom.

How do we create the loving Adult? By practicing opening to learning with a source of spiritual Guidance – whatever that is for you. If you have no spiritual belief system or you are an atheist, no problem. Just imagine an older wise part of yourself. If you practicing asking this older wiser part of yourself questions about truth and loving action, you will be amazed at the answers you get. And as you take the loving action you are instructed to take, you will gradually heal the false beliefs that are causing much of your pain.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process – featured on Oprah. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Click here for a FREE Inner Bonding Course, and visit our website at for more articles and help. Phone Sessions Available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Dr. Margaret Paul is the author/co-author of numerous best-selling books, including: Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You? Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You?…The Workbook Healing Your Aloneness The Healing Your Aloneness Workbook Inner Bonding Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By My Kids? Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God? Margaret holds a Ph.D. in psychology and is a relationship expert, public speaker, seminar leader, consultant, facilitator, and artist. She has appeared on many radio and TV shows, including the Oprah show. She has successfully worked with thousands of individuals, couples and business relationships and taught classes and seminars for over 42 years. Dr. Paul’s books have been distributed around the world and have been translated into many languages. After practicing traditional psychotherapy for 17 years, Margaret was discouraged by the results – both for her clients and herself. She had spent years trying to heal from her own dysfunctional and abusive background, but found herself still suffering with anxiety and relationship problems. She started to seek a process that works fast, deep, creates permanent change, loving relationships, inner peace, and joy. In 1984, she met and became friends with Dr. Erika Chopich, who had half the Inner Bonding® process, and Margaret had the other half! They have been evolving this incredibly powerful healing process for the last 26 years. Margaret works with individuals and couples throughout the world – on the phone, in workshops and 5-Day Intensives, and with members of Inner Bonding Village at She is able to access spiritual Guidance during her sessions, which enables her to work with people wherever they are in the world. Dr. Margaret has just completed a 12 year project call SelfQuest®, which is a transformational self-healing/conflict resolution software program. SelfQuest® is being donated to prisons and schools and sold to individuals, families, and businesses. You can read about SelfQuest® and see a short video of it at In her spare time, Margaret loves to paint, make pottery, take photos, watch birds, read, ride and play with her horses, and spend time with her children and grandchildren.

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