The Power of Tears

A sad man in a blue jacket and baseball cap

“Those who do not know how to weep with their whole heart don’t know how to laugh either.” – Golda Meir

Do you have a lid on your tears? Do you also have a hard time laughing with your whole body?

Our tears are a God-given way of expressing sadness, just as laughter is a God-given way of expressing fun and joy. Both laughter and tears release stress in loving ways, rather than having to release it through anger or through holding it in your body, which can eventually cause physical pain and illness.

However, there are two kinds of tears, wounded tears and authentic, core tears.

Wounded Tears

Wounded tears are the tears we express when we are feeling like a victim. Wounded tears come from the pain that we are causing ourselves with our own self-abandonment. When we do not take loving care of our own feelings – instead ignoring our feelings, judging them, and avoiding them with various addictions – we might then project on to others that they are abandoning us and are the cause of our emotional pain.

Wounded victim tears are a manipulation of others, trying to make others feel guilty and responsible for you. The hope of wounded tears is that the other person will feel sympathy and pity for you, and give you the love and attention that you are not giving to yourself. Wounded tears are a way of avoiding personal responsibility for yourself – emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

Wounded tears are a bottomless pit. Because they are being caused by your own self-abandonment, your misery will not go away until you choose to take responsibility for your self.

When you are at the other end of another’s wounded tears, you might feel put off by them. This is a normal reaction to the manipulation and is not an indication that you are a heartless person. When you don’t feel moved by another’s tears, there is a good chance that it is because their tears are trying to make you feel guilty and responsible for them.

Authentic Tears

Authentic tears are the tears we express when we are feeling the loneliness, heartache, heartbreak, sadness, sorrow, or grief of life. The pain behind these tears is not from how we are treating ourselves, but from the painful events of life – the loneliness and heartbreak of childhood abuse, of the loss of a loved one, the loneliness and heartache of being at the other end of another’s meanness, the fear and grief over the loss of a job or loss of financial security, the heartbreak and grief of shattered dreams, the sorrow of seeing others’ suffering or seeing peoples’ unlovingness toward each other, and so on.

Authentic tears come from an open heart. When you are in the presence of someone who is in authentic pain, you generally feel moved to comfort them. If your own heart is open, you will likely feel their pain within you as you empathize with their feelings, and tears might come to your eyes.

It is vitally important to be able to express your authentic pain. When you put a lid on your authentic pain, the pain has to go somewhere, and it often goes into the muscles of your body, causing things like neck and back pain. The repression of authentic pain can cause so much stress in the body that your immune system is suppressed, which can eventually contribute to illnesses such as heart disease and cancer.

Authentic pain and true joy exist in the same place within your heart. When you put a lid on authentic pain, you also put a lid on authentic joy. If your life feels somewhat colorless, consider learning how to open to your authentic pain and you will discover your laughter and joy.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process – featured on Oprah. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Click here for a FREE Inner Bonding Course, and visit our website at www.innerbonding.com for more articles and help. Phone Sessions Available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Dr. Margaret Paul is the author/co-author of numerous best-selling books, including: Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You? Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You?…The Workbook Healing Your Aloneness The Healing Your Aloneness Workbook Inner Bonding Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By My Kids? Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God? Margaret holds a Ph.D. in psychology and is a relationship expert, public speaker, seminar leader, consultant, facilitator, and artist. She has appeared on many radio and TV shows, including the Oprah show. She has successfully worked with thousands of individuals, couples and business relationships and taught classes and seminars for over 42 years. Dr. Paul’s books have been distributed around the world and have been translated into many languages. After practicing traditional psychotherapy for 17 years, Margaret was discouraged by the results – both for her clients and herself. She had spent years trying to heal from her own dysfunctional and abusive background, but found herself still suffering with anxiety and relationship problems. She started to seek a process that works fast, deep, creates permanent change, loving relationships, inner peace, and joy. In 1984, she met and became friends with Dr. Erika Chopich, who had half the Inner Bonding® process, and Margaret had the other half! They have been evolving this incredibly powerful healing process for the last 26 years. Margaret works with individuals and couples throughout the world – on the phone, in workshops and 5-Day Intensives, and with members of Inner Bonding Village at http://www.innerbonding.com. She is able to access spiritual Guidance during her sessions, which enables her to work with people wherever they are in the world. Dr. Margaret has just completed a 12 year project call SelfQuest®, which is a transformational self-healing/conflict resolution software program. SelfQuest® is being donated to prisons and schools and sold to individuals, families, and businesses. You can read about SelfQuest® and see a short video of it at http://selfquest.com. In her spare time, Margaret loves to paint, make pottery, take photos, watch birds, read, ride and play with her horses, and spend time with her children and grandchildren.

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