The Devastation of Inner Emptiness

Closeup of a worried woman looking over her shoulder at the camera

One of the sad truths in our society is how empty many people feel, and the devastation their emptiness causes others through their resulting addictive behavior.

We have all heard about the sexual acting-out of Anthony Weiner, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tiger Woods, Bill Clinton and John Edwards. We all know about the many famous people who end up in treatment centers for alcohol and drug addiction.

The question is: why? Why would someone who seemingly has everything destroy their own life, and the lives of those they are close to, with their addictions to sex, alcohol or drugs?

It’s true that these high-profile people seem to have everything that our society deems important for happiness and self-esteem – money and all that money can buy, relationships and fame. What is it that creates the desperate need to act out addictively when they have so much?

While they have much externally, internally they are bereft – empty. And the cause of this inner emptiness is one thing only – a lack of love. But it is not a lack of love from others. These people often have the love of many people, such as spouse, children and friends.

Inner emptiness is caused by the lack of love that comes from a narcissistic, entitled mindset. The lack of love that results from trying to get love, rather than be loving to oneself and with others. When a person’s intention is to get love, attention, and approval externally, they create their own inner emptiness. While the sex or the alcohol or the drugs might fill them temporarily, or give them a feeling of aliveness and wellbeing temporarily, it can never truly fill them in any deep and consistent way.

The thing that all of these people lack is an intent to take responsibility for loving themselves – for filling themselves with love so they have love to share with others. They have learned to substitute their various addictions – sex and other processes, alcohol and other substances – in place of genuine love. But because sex and alcohol, drugs, food, and other addictions are not love, the person never feels full inside. And because they are not loving themselves, their hearts are closed to others’ love.

When our intent is to take responsibility for our own feelings and learn to be loving to ourselves, our heart opens. When our heart is open, we can genuinely experience love from others, and, more importantly, from our Source.

Our Source IS love. Love is what we live in. Love is the intelligence of the universe, and is available to all of us when we open to it. But love from your Source cannot fill you when your heart is closed.

What Opens the Heart to Love and Fills the Emptiness?

Whether your heart is open or closed to love depends on your intent. At any given moment you are either intent on:

  • Protecting against your painful feelings with some form of addictive, controlling behavior, or
  • Learning about what is loving to yourself and others – about what is in your own highest good, and the highest good of others.

The intent to protect against painful feelings closes the heart, leaving you feeling empty and alone inside. It takes courage to be willing to compassionately feel your painful feelings of life – your loneliness and heartbreak – but unless you have the courage to learn to feel and lovingly manage these painful feelings, you will turn to addictions as a way of avoiding them.

The intent to learn about what is loving opens your heart to love. The intent to learn and love leads to taking loving action in your own behalf and in behalf of others, such as being kind and compassionate toward yourself and others.

When your intent is to get something from others – sex, approval, caring or compassion – you will feel empty.

When your intent is to give love, caring and compassion to yourself and others, you will feel full. This is what heals addictions and fills the emptiness.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process – featured on Oprah. Are you are ready to discover real love and intimacy? Click here for a FREE CD/DVD relationship offer, and visit our website at www.innerbonding.com for more articles and help. Phone Sessions Available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Dr. Margaret Paul is the author/co-author of numerous best-selling books, including: Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You? Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You?…The Workbook Healing Your Aloneness The Healing Your Aloneness Workbook Inner Bonding Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By My Kids? Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God? Margaret holds a Ph.D. in psychology and is a relationship expert, public speaker, seminar leader, consultant, facilitator, and artist. She has appeared on many radio and TV shows, including the Oprah show. She has successfully worked with thousands of individuals, couples and business relationships and taught classes and seminars for over 42 years. Dr. Paul’s books have been distributed around the world and have been translated into many languages. After practicing traditional psychotherapy for 17 years, Margaret was discouraged by the results – both for her clients and herself. She had spent years trying to heal from her own dysfunctional and abusive background, but found herself still suffering with anxiety and relationship problems. She started to seek a process that works fast, deep, creates permanent change, loving relationships, inner peace, and joy. In 1984, she met and became friends with Dr. Erika Chopich, who had half the Inner Bonding® process, and Margaret had the other half! They have been evolving this incredibly powerful healing process for the last 26 years. Margaret works with individuals and couples throughout the world – on the phone, in workshops and 5-Day Intensives, and with members of Inner Bonding Village at http://www.innerbonding.com. She is able to access spiritual Guidance during her sessions, which enables her to work with people wherever they are in the world. Dr. Margaret has just completed a 12 year project call SelfQuest®, which is a transformational self-healing/conflict resolution software program. SelfQuest® is being donated to prisons and schools and sold to individuals, families, and businesses. You can read about SelfQuest® and see a short video of it at http://selfquest.com. In her spare time, Margaret loves to paint, make pottery, take photos, watch birds, read, ride and play with her horses, and spend time with her children and grandchildren.

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