Nothing Has Meaning Without Love and Connection

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Gretchen is typical of many of the clients that I work with. In our first session she said:

“I’ve been depressed on and off throughout my life. Medication helped for a while, but now all it does is make me feel more flat and empty. Life seems to have no meaning for me. Nothing looks beautiful. Nothing is compelling to me. I can’t think of anything I really want to do. I’ve tried many forms of therapy but nothing has worked to heal my depression. I don’t know why I’m here on this planet. What is it all about?”

Most therapies do not deal with the underlying cause of anxiety and depression. Lila, a member of the Inner Bonding® website, shared this about her healing process:

“I must’ve gone through dozens of therapists since my first one at 17.  Several were even psychiatrists. And they helped … but not in an all-the-way-to-the-very-bone way…. I kept working to treat specific problems, but still felt incomplete once they were solved…. it’s because my inner child needed much, much more than that.  She needed unconditional love from me—something traditional therapy somehow couldn’t quite provide….Lately, whenever I think about logical, strategic cognitive behavioral therapy, its techniques and tools, my inner child rebels intensely…..self-love comes first; filling up from within comes first. Regardless of my social status, my financial status, my career status, my marital status, without self-love, I have nothing if I don’t have that…. I know that because of Inner Bonding, I will eventually be able to live a normal life….Meditating with a conscious intent to love myself and Inner Bonding with the same intent is becoming my way of learning to love myself unconditionally—regardless of how other people react to me.  And I can see that in loving myself, I will also automatically become more loving toward others too.”

I started my work with Gretchen with an Inner Bonding process:

“Gretchen, please tune into what you are feeling right now.”

“Sad. Empty. Depressed. Pretty much like I feel most of the time.”

“Please breathe into these feelings, getting fully present with them….Can you find a place within you that wants responsibility for being the cause of these feelings?”

“Are you saying that I might be causing these feelings?”

“Yes, you might be. If you are, are you willing to find out what you might be thinking and how you might be treating yourself that is causing them?”

“Well, yes, I am!”

“Your feelings are an inner guidance system. Imagine that your feelings are a child within, letting you know each moment whether you are taking loving care of her, or abandoning her. Now, breathe into your heart, and open to curiosity about what you might be telling yourself or how you might be treating yourself that is causing your inner little girl to feel sad, empty, and depressed. Then focus inside again and allow the feelings to answer.”

Child Gretchen: “All you do is judge me, all the time. You are always telling me that I’m not good enough, that I didn’t do something right, and that I’m stupid.”

Adult Gretchen: “Oh my God! I do this all the time, just like my mother did!”

“And what did you want from your mother?”

“I wanted her to hold me, to care about my feelings, to be kind and gentle with me.”

“Isn’t this exactly what your inner child wants from you?”

“Yes! But I never thought that this is something I could give to myself. I thought it had to come from someone else.”

“Gretchen, do you have any kind of spiritual connection?”

“I believe in God, if that’s what you mean.”

“Can you talk with God and also hear God talking with you?”

“I don’t know. I’ve just prayed to God, but I never tried talking to God or listening to God.”

“Try it now. Ask God ‘What is the first thing I need to start to do to begin to take loving care of my little girl?”

“…God says to stop judging her – that she is a wonderful little girl and doesn’t deserve to ever be judged by me. God is showing me as a little girl – I was so sweet!”

“How do you feel right now?”

“Good! I feel good! I feel alive!

Gretchen started to diligently practice Inner Bonding and within a short time, was consistently taking loving care of herself. Life took on new meaning, aliveness and passion for her as she learned to love herself and share her love with others.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process – featured on Oprah. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Click here for a FREE Inner Bonding Course, and visit our website at for more articles and help. Phone Sessions Available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Dr. Margaret Paul is the author/co-author of numerous best-selling books, including: Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You? Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You?…The Workbook Healing Your Aloneness The Healing Your Aloneness Workbook Inner Bonding Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By My Kids? Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God? Margaret holds a Ph.D. in psychology and is a relationship expert, public speaker, seminar leader, consultant, facilitator, and artist. She has appeared on many radio and TV shows, including the Oprah show. She has successfully worked with thousands of individuals, couples and business relationships and taught classes and seminars for over 42 years. Dr. Paul’s books have been distributed around the world and have been translated into many languages. After practicing traditional psychotherapy for 17 years, Margaret was discouraged by the results – both for her clients and herself. She had spent years trying to heal from her own dysfunctional and abusive background, but found herself still suffering with anxiety and relationship problems. She started to seek a process that works fast, deep, creates permanent change, loving relationships, inner peace, and joy. In 1984, she met and became friends with Dr. Erika Chopich, who had half the Inner Bonding® process, and Margaret had the other half! They have been evolving this incredibly powerful healing process for the last 26 years. Margaret works with individuals and couples throughout the world – on the phone, in workshops and 5-Day Intensives, and with members of Inner Bonding Village at She is able to access spiritual Guidance during her sessions, which enables her to work with people wherever they are in the world. Dr. Margaret has just completed a 12 year project call SelfQuest®, which is a transformational self-healing/conflict resolution software program. SelfQuest® is being donated to prisons and schools and sold to individuals, families, and businesses. You can read about SelfQuest® and see a short video of it at In her spare time, Margaret loves to paint, make pottery, take photos, watch birds, read, ride and play with her horses, and spend time with her children and grandchildren.

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