No One Appreciates Me

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Have you ever hear yourself say, or said to yourself, “No one appreciates me.”

I used to say this to myself all the time. I was constantly giving myself up to please others, and then ended up feeling completely unappreciated and resentful – until I learned how to take loving care of myself and appreciate myself.

I encountered this recently with Jayden, a young man who consulted with me after his girlfriend left him and he got fired from his job as a construction worker. An alcoholic who had stopped drinking last year, he was back to drinking.

“I gave so much to my girlfriend and worked so hard at the job. I don’t understand this. No one ever appreciates me,” he said with a resentful whine in his voice. Jayden was obviously feeling like a victim of his girlfriend and his boss.

“Are you saying that your girlfriend and your boss never offered you praise or compliments?”

“Well, yes they did, but I still feel unappreciated, because she left and he fired me.”

“Were you able to take in their praise and compliments?”

“What do you mean?”

“Jayden, did their praise and compliments make you feel good inside, or did you just slough them off?”

“I mostly sloughed them off because I didn’t think they meant it, and I was right. If they would have meant it, she wouldn’t have left and he wouldn’t have fired me.”

“Is it possible that they fired you because of your attitude? You seem very angry and you are acting like a victim – as if they are responsible for your feelings instead of you taking responsibility. Do you ever appreciate yourself?”

Silence.

“Jayden, do you ever appreciate yourself?”

“No. I don’t like myself.”

“So you try to please everyone to get them to approve of you, but when they do you don’t believe them because you don’t think you are good enough. Then you feel angry and resentful because you don’t feel appreciated. It’s my guess that your girlfriend left and your boss fired you because of your anger and resentment. Your closed, blaming, angry energy is tough to be around. Until you are willing to learn how to take loving care of yourself and value yourself, you will likely continue to have these problems. Are you willing to learn to do this?”

Jayden indicated that he was. Here is what I suggested he practice:

“Start paying attention to your feelings, and whenever you feel angry or resentful, notice what you are telling yourself and how you are treating yourself that is causing these feelings. I know you believe these feelings are being caused by others, but this is not true. They are being caused by your own self-abandonment: giving yourself up to please others; judging yourself; turning to alcohol to numb your feelings rather than taking responsibility for them; and blaming others for your feelings.

“Imagine that you have an older, wiser self whom you can turn to for the truth. We have all been programmed with hundreds of false beliefs about ourselves, others and the world, and these lies cause us much pain. When you become aware of one of these lies, such as ‘I’m not good enough’, or ‘No one ever appreciates me,’ imagine your older wiser self and ask ‘What is the truth?’ and ‘What is the loving action toward myself?’ As you learn to appreciate yourself and treat yourself better, you will find your anger going away.

“Are you willing to start to practice this?”

“Yes, I am.”

Jayden did practice and within a few months, he and his girlfriend re-united. She was able to tell him how much she loves him and how heartbroken she felt whenever he blamed her for his feelings. By learning to take responsibility for his own feelings and appreciate himself, he was surprised to discover that he now felt appreciated by her.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process – featured on Oprah. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Click here for a FREE Inner Bonding Course, and visit our website at www.innerbonding.com for more articles and help. Phone Sessions Available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Dr. Margaret Paul is the author/co-author of numerous best-selling books, including: Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You? Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You?…The Workbook Healing Your Aloneness The Healing Your Aloneness Workbook Inner Bonding Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By My Kids? Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God? Margaret holds a Ph.D. in psychology and is a relationship expert, public speaker, seminar leader, consultant, facilitator, and artist. She has appeared on many radio and TV shows, including the Oprah show. She has successfully worked with thousands of individuals, couples and business relationships and taught classes and seminars for over 42 years. Dr. Paul’s books have been distributed around the world and have been translated into many languages. After practicing traditional psychotherapy for 17 years, Margaret was discouraged by the results – both for her clients and herself. She had spent years trying to heal from her own dysfunctional and abusive background, but found herself still suffering with anxiety and relationship problems. She started to seek a process that works fast, deep, creates permanent change, loving relationships, inner peace, and joy. In 1984, she met and became friends with Dr. Erika Chopich, who had half the Inner Bonding® process, and Margaret had the other half! They have been evolving this incredibly powerful healing process for the last 26 years. Margaret works with individuals and couples throughout the world – on the phone, in workshops and 5-Day Intensives, and with members of Inner Bonding Village at http://www.innerbonding.com. She is able to access spiritual Guidance during her sessions, which enables her to work with people wherever they are in the world. Dr. Margaret has just completed a 12 year project call SelfQuest®, which is a transformational self-healing/conflict resolution software program. SelfQuest® is being donated to prisons and schools and sold to individuals, families, and businesses. You can read about SelfQuest® and see a short video of it at http://selfquest.com. In her spare time, Margaret loves to paint, make pottery, take photos, watch birds, read, ride and play with her horses, and spend time with her children and grandchildren.

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