Moving Beyond Emotional Dependency

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Are you ready to be your own person? Are you ready to move beyond neediness and into emotional freedom? Are you ready to stop needing others to make you feel that you are okay? Are you ready to learn to fill yourself with love and define your own worth?

I hope so! Being emotionally dependent is a very hard way to live.

When you are emotionally dependent, you set yourself up to be a victim of others’ choices. If others are loving and caring, then you feel good, but if others are rejecting, then you feel bad. You place your emotional wellbeing into others’ hands rather than taking responsibility for your own feelings and defining your own worth. Do you really want to go on living this way when there is another, far more fulfilling way to live?

I, like most people, grew up being emotionally dependent. I spent years feeling the anxiety that comes from needing others approval to feel lovable and worthy. I spent years feeling the inner aloneness that comes from self-abandonment. And I spent years in therapy trying to find out what was wrong and what to do about it. Yet I never learned in all my reading and all my therapy, and all the years I spent in school getting my Ph.D. in psychology, that the cause of all my problems was self-abandonment.

As I look back on my growing up years, I see that there was not one person in my life that was not role modeling self-abandonment. Both of my parents were deeply emotionally dependent, as were my grandparents, aunts and uncles, and family friends. Nothing in books, in the media, or in school ever taught me how to attain emotional freedom – how to take loving care of myself so that I was not emotionally dependent on others approval, love, and attention. I was run by my desire to have control over getting approval and avoiding disapproval.

Life is totally different now that I know that it is not only my responsibility to give myself the love and approval I used to seek from others, but it is my right and my privilege. I was taught that it was selfish to take loving care of myself – that being a good person meant sacrificing myself and taking care of others instead. I was taught that my good feelings about myself had to come from others’ approval. I was told that if I loved and valued myself, I was being arrogant. “Who do you think you are?” Wow, what awful conditioning many of us experience.

I, like you, am a child of God, here to fully express the love, gifts and talents that I am. Within me – and you – is my incredible soul, the spark of the Divine within me, the part of me – and you – that is created in the image of God. It is my privilege, and yours, to take loving care of this soul – to create a healthy body as the house for my soul, to choose the thoughts and action that create peace and joy within, to not indulge in thoughts and actions that create distress, and to making loving myself and others my highest priority.

When you choose the intention to learn to be loving to yourself and others, rather than the intention to control getting love and avoiding pain, you will learn how to move beyond emotional dependency and into emotional freedom. It is your moment-by-moment intention that determines your emotional dependency or your emotional freedom.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process – featured on Oprah. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Click here for a FREE Inner Bonding Course, and visit our website at for more articles and help. Phone Sessions Available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Dr. Margaret Paul is the author/co-author of numerous best-selling books, including: Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You? Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You?…The Workbook Healing Your Aloneness The Healing Your Aloneness Workbook Inner Bonding Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By My Kids? Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God? Margaret holds a Ph.D. in psychology and is a relationship expert, public speaker, seminar leader, consultant, facilitator, and artist. She has appeared on many radio and TV shows, including the Oprah show. She has successfully worked with thousands of individuals, couples and business relationships and taught classes and seminars for over 42 years. Dr. Paul’s books have been distributed around the world and have been translated into many languages. After practicing traditional psychotherapy for 17 years, Margaret was discouraged by the results – both for her clients and herself. She had spent years trying to heal from her own dysfunctional and abusive background, but found herself still suffering with anxiety and relationship problems. She started to seek a process that works fast, deep, creates permanent change, loving relationships, inner peace, and joy. In 1984, she met and became friends with Dr. Erika Chopich, who had half the Inner Bonding® process, and Margaret had the other half! They have been evolving this incredibly powerful healing process for the last 26 years. Margaret works with individuals and couples throughout the world – on the phone, in workshops and 5-Day Intensives, and with members of Inner Bonding Village at She is able to access spiritual Guidance during her sessions, which enables her to work with people wherever they are in the world. Dr. Margaret has just completed a 12 year project call SelfQuest®, which is a transformational self-healing/conflict resolution software program. SelfQuest® is being donated to prisons and schools and sold to individuals, families, and businesses. You can read about SelfQuest® and see a short video of it at In her spare time, Margaret loves to paint, make pottery, take photos, watch birds, read, ride and play with her horses, and spend time with her children and grandchildren.

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