Loving Yourself First

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“I have an everyday religion that works for me. Love yourself first, and everything else falls into line.”
–Lucile Ball, 1911-1989, Comedienne and Actress

Lucile Ball was a very smart woman!

Do you believe that if you put others first, they will love and value you and you will feel loved? Has this worked for you?

Do you believe that if you love yourself first you are being selfish? Is it selfish to attend to your own feelings and needs so that you are not needy of others attention to you? Is it selfish to learn how to fill yourself up with love so that you have plenty of love to share with others, or is it actually selfish to expect others to do this for you?

Who is really being selfish?

  • People who are self-sacrificing and then expect everyone to give them attention and praise?
  • People who demand that others give themselves up and do what the demanding person wants?
  • People who attend to their own feelings and needs so that they are not demanding and needy of others?

In my definition of selfish, the first two examples are of people who are being selfish, and the third example is of people who are being self-responsible.

Loving yourself first is self-responsible. Loving yourself first means that:

  • You learn to define your own worth so that you are not needy and dependent upon others doing it for you.
  • You take care of your own painful feelings so that you are not blaming others for them.
  • You take responsibility for what you need to do to feel happy and joyful so that you are not expecting another to make you happy.
  • You take care of your own needs so that you are not demanding that others take care of them for you.
  • You take care of your body so that you do all you can to not be dependent upon others doing it for you.
  • You take care of your finances if you are physically able to do so, so that you are not dependent on others doing it for you.
  • You do all you can internally to make yourself feel safe, so that you don’t need others to make you feel safe.
  • You have a consistent spiritual practice that fills you with love so that you have love to share with others rather than needing someone else to love you to feel okay.
  • It is true that everything else falls into line when you take care of yourself first. Far from being selfish, it is actually the opposite of selfish.

Why don’t more people do this? If you are not doing it, why not?

  • Do you believe that others loving you means more than loving yourself?
  • Do you believe that you are not capable of loving yourself? That others are better at it than you?
  • Do you believe that your best feelings come from others loving you, rather than loving yourself?
  • Do you believe that you are not worth loving, so others have to love you to prove that you are worth it?
  • Do you believe that others should love you and make up to you what you didn’t receive as a child?

If you are operating from any of these false beliefs, then you are likely stuck abandoning yourself rather than loving yourself.

“Love yourself first, and everything else falls into line.” This statement is absolutely true. If you are not loving yourself first, then it is likely that things are not falling into line for you. Consider changing your intent from getting love to being loving – to yourself first, so that you can then share your love with others.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® healing process. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Learn Inner Bonding now! Click here for a FREE Inner Bonding Course, and visit our website at www.innerbonding.com for more articles and help. Phone Sessions Available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Dr. Margaret Paul is the author/co-author of numerous best-selling books, including: Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You? Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You?…The Workbook Healing Your Aloneness The Healing Your Aloneness Workbook Inner Bonding Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By My Kids? Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God? Margaret holds a Ph.D. in psychology and is a relationship expert, public speaker, seminar leader, consultant, facilitator, and artist. She has appeared on many radio and TV shows, including the Oprah show. She has successfully worked with thousands of individuals, couples and business relationships and taught classes and seminars for over 42 years. Dr. Paul’s books have been distributed around the world and have been translated into many languages. After practicing traditional psychotherapy for 17 years, Margaret was discouraged by the results – both for her clients and herself. She had spent years trying to heal from her own dysfunctional and abusive background, but found herself still suffering with anxiety and relationship problems. She started to seek a process that works fast, deep, creates permanent change, loving relationships, inner peace, and joy. In 1984, she met and became friends with Dr. Erika Chopich, who had half the Inner Bonding® process, and Margaret had the other half! They have been evolving this incredibly powerful healing process for the last 26 years. Margaret works with individuals and couples throughout the world – on the phone, in workshops and 5-Day Intensives, and with members of Inner Bonding Village at http://www.innerbonding.com. She is able to access spiritual Guidance during her sessions, which enables her to work with people wherever they are in the world. Dr. Margaret has just completed a 12 year project call SelfQuest®, which is a transformational self-healing/conflict resolution software program. SelfQuest® is being donated to prisons and schools and sold to individuals, families, and businesses. You can read about SelfQuest® and see a short video of it at http://selfquest.com. In her spare time, Margaret loves to paint, make pottery, take photos, watch birds, read, ride and play with her horses, and spend time with her children and grandchildren.

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