Life’s One Achievable Goal

Closeup of a red rose

Most of us have many goals in life. These goals might have to do with work, finances, relationships and family.

Some of the goals that many people strive for are to feel worthy, loved, and valued. Many people spend much time in their lives seeking the approval of others, believing that getting this approval will finally give them the love, safety, security, and sense of worth that they desire.

The problem with this goal is that it is an impossible goal to achieve, because it is not others’ love, attention and approval that bring about a deep sense of self-worth.

So, if your goal is to be loved, you might strive forever and never truly feel loved.

But if your goal is to BE LOVING, this you can achieve! And in my view, this is the one goal truly worth spending a lifetime achieving. In fact, I believe that this is why we are here on the planet – to evolve in our ability to love ourselves and others.

Without this as your primary goal, everything else you achieve will never fill the place in you that yearns to feel happy and fulfilled.

The catch here is that this goal is not actually reached by focusing on being loving to others, but on first learning how to be loving to yourself. If you focus on being loving to others but ignore your own feelings and needs, you will always feel an emptiness and aloneness inside from your own self-abandonment. The path to feeling worthy, safe, loved and secure lies in learning how to take 100% responsibility for your own feelings and needs. When you learn how to do this, you will be filled inside with so much love that it will overflow and you will receive great joy in sharing it with others – giving to others for the joy of giving rather than to get their love, attention, or approval.

Achieving this goal is entirely within your choice. It is the one goal that anyone can learn to achieve, and the one goal that is the basis of a joyful life.

How strange that most of us do not grow up in families that stress the goal of learning to be loving to ourselves! In fact, many of us are taught that we are selfish if we attend to our own feelings and needs rather than give ourselves up for others. Yet the opposite is true: lovingly taking responsibility for our own feelings and needs enables us to not be needy of others. It is when we abandon ourselves that we are needy of others and pull on them to give us what we believe we need to feel loved and worthy. As adults, making others responsible for our feelings and needs is selfish, as is just attending to our own feelings and needs without consideration for others.

Being loving with ourselves and others rather than trying to get love is the most profound goal that any of us can have. When we achieve this, life becomes the joy it is meant to be.

Learning to love yourself starts with learning to be present in the moment inside your body. Just as you cannot attend to a baby if you do not hear their cry, you cannot attend to your own feelings and needs if you are unaware of what you are feeling and needing. If you are focused instead on what others think of you and how to get what you want from others, you will miss the whole point of your soul’s journey here on the planet.

Staying present in your own body and taking responsibility for your own feelings and needs is a challenging goal, and the most worthy goal there is. Why not start practicing today?

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process – featured on Oprah. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Click here for a FREE Inner Bonding Course, and visit our website at for more articles and help. Phone Sessions Available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Dr. Margaret Paul is the author/co-author of numerous best-selling books, including: Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You? Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You?…The Workbook Healing Your Aloneness The Healing Your Aloneness Workbook Inner Bonding Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By My Kids? Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God? Margaret holds a Ph.D. in psychology and is a relationship expert, public speaker, seminar leader, consultant, facilitator, and artist. She has appeared on many radio and TV shows, including the Oprah show. She has successfully worked with thousands of individuals, couples and business relationships and taught classes and seminars for over 42 years. Dr. Paul’s books have been distributed around the world and have been translated into many languages. After practicing traditional psychotherapy for 17 years, Margaret was discouraged by the results – both for her clients and herself. She had spent years trying to heal from her own dysfunctional and abusive background, but found herself still suffering with anxiety and relationship problems. She started to seek a process that works fast, deep, creates permanent change, loving relationships, inner peace, and joy. In 1984, she met and became friends with Dr. Erika Chopich, who had half the Inner Bonding® process, and Margaret had the other half! They have been evolving this incredibly powerful healing process for the last 26 years. Margaret works with individuals and couples throughout the world – on the phone, in workshops and 5-Day Intensives, and with members of Inner Bonding Village at She is able to access spiritual Guidance during her sessions, which enables her to work with people wherever they are in the world. Dr. Margaret has just completed a 12 year project call SelfQuest®, which is a transformational self-healing/conflict resolution software program. SelfQuest® is being donated to prisons and schools and sold to individuals, families, and businesses. You can read about SelfQuest® and see a short video of it at In her spare time, Margaret loves to paint, make pottery, take photos, watch birds, read, ride and play with her horses, and spend time with her children and grandchildren.

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