“I’ll Do It Later!” 6 Ways to Get Kids to Do Chores Now

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Getting kids to do chores is one of the most common arguments families have. Who can’t relate to this picture? You’re yelling, “Why haven’t you cleaned your room yet?” while your child is on the couch watching TV, shouting back, “I’ll do it later!”

The reason kids don’t like doing chores is the same reason adults don’t like doing chores: household tasks are generally boring. Let’s face it; the satisfaction of getting the dishes done is not a very big reward in this day and age of video games and instant gratification. While that doesn’t mean kids shouldn’t do chores, it does help to partly explain why they resist them.

Another big reason is because children feel like they’re being taken away from something they’d like to do in order to do something that’s not exciting or stimulating. And most kids don’t solve that problem by using their time more efficiently to complete tasks quickly. Instead, you’ll see them showing disinterest and dragging their feet. I think it’s also important to understand that children don’t have the same value structure as adults. Most parents feel it’s their child’s responsibility to get their chores done, not only to help out around the house, but also to share in tasks and responsiblities as part of their role as members of the family. Certainly, kids understand on some level that they should do chores simply because they are part of the family. But as every parent knows, children have a difficult time relating that concept to action.

In my opinion, getting your child to do chores becomes a battle when you allow it to grow into one. If you’re standing over your kids telling them over and over again to “empty the dishwasher, mow the lawn, clean the kitchen”—and they’re digging their heels in and still not complying—you are in that battle, make no mistake about it.

Nag, Nag, Nag—All I Ever Do is Nag My Kids!
Frankly, I don’t like the term nagging because I think it puts a negative spin on what parents are doing—when in reality, it’s not negative at all. When we’re “nagging” our kids, we’re prompting, reminding, and encouraging them to fulfill their responsibilities. And as a parent, it’s well within our responsibilities to make sure our children do tasks around the house. In fact, I believe that part of the chore system in your home should include the rule that your child doesn’t need to be nagged. (I’ll explain more about that later.)

Parents generally get caught in a nagging cycle out of habit; we get stuck in repetitive behaviors just like kids do. Personally, I think giving a general reminder is fine. It’s perfectly okay for parents to say, “All right guys, let’s get to work now.” But after that, they need to get started. The problem with nagging, of course, is that it doesn’t work. Far too often, parents continue to do things that don’t work because they don’t have any other options. Once you turn your back on your child, they stop doing their chores—and then you have to get back on top of them, and the whole cycle repeats itself.

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James Lehman, MSW was a renowned child behavioral therapist who worked with struggling teens and children for three decades. He created The Total Transformation Program to help people parent more effectively. James' foremost goal was to help kids and to "empower parents."

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