If I’m Perfect, No One Will Reject Me – Healing Perfectionism

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Do you believe that being “perfect” gives you control over how people feel about you?”

If you do, then you are coming from 3 big false beliefs that are causing you much unhappiness.

False Belief #1

“I can have control over how people feel about me.”

Think for a moment whether or not others have control over how you feel about them. Can someone do everything “right” and be “perfect” in their own eyes, yet you don’t enjoy being around them or you don’t feel connected with them?

Of course!

Others may influence how you feel about them, but they have no control over how you feel about them. If you are a basically accepting person, then you might like them even if they get angry or withdrawn. If you are generally a judgmental person, then there may be little they can do for you to like them.

Now turn this around regarding how others feel about you. Since you have no control over whether or not another person is accepting or judgmental, it stands to reason that you also have no control over how they feel about you, regardless of how perfectly loving, open, caring, giving, understanding, handsome, beautiful, or rich you are.

False Belief #2

“There is a standard of perfectionism and I can reach it.”

I grew up believing that there was a “right” and “perfect” way to be. Then I learned that what I thought was right and perfect was not necessarily what others thought was right and perfect. In fact, it seemed that each person had a completely different understanding of what it means to be perfect!

This was quite distressing to me, as it took away my illusion of control over how people felt about me. At that time many years ago, I was terrified of rejection, so it gave me great comfort to believe that if only I was perfect enough, then I would never be rejected. Without a standard of perfection, what would be my guiding light to feel safe?

False Belief #3

“I am basically flawed and need to strive to cover up my flaws and appear to be better than I am.”

As long as I believed that I was basically flawed in some way, I was afraid of rejection. When I learned how to connect with my spiritual Guidance and see myself through the eyes of truth rather than through the eyes of my parents and others, I was able to see that my soul essence – my core Self – is already perfect, a perfect individualized expression of the Divine.

What was flawed were my beliefs that were programmed into me and needed to be healed.

healing Perfectionism

Imagine how life would be for you if you knew that you were already perfectly wonderful and incredible just the way you are in your true Self? What if you could separate out the flawed, wounded, programmed part of you – the part you created to help you survive pain – from the magnificent part of you that God created. What if you could see that your ego wounded self – with all your fears and protections and ways of trying to have control over getting love and avoiding pain – is NOT who you are.

Then, instead of perfectionism being your guiding light, being fully and passionately yourself becomes your guiding light!

I assure you, this is a MUCH easier way to live!

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process – featured on Oprah. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Click here for a FREE Inner Bonding Course, and visit our website at www.innerbonding.com for more articles and help. Phone Sessions Available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Dr. Margaret Paul is the author/co-author of numerous best-selling books, including: Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You? Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You?…The Workbook Healing Your Aloneness The Healing Your Aloneness Workbook Inner Bonding Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By My Kids? Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God? Margaret holds a Ph.D. in psychology and is a relationship expert, public speaker, seminar leader, consultant, facilitator, and artist. She has appeared on many radio and TV shows, including the Oprah show. She has successfully worked with thousands of individuals, couples and business relationships and taught classes and seminars for over 42 years. Dr. Paul’s books have been distributed around the world and have been translated into many languages. After practicing traditional psychotherapy for 17 years, Margaret was discouraged by the results – both for her clients and herself. She had spent years trying to heal from her own dysfunctional and abusive background, but found herself still suffering with anxiety and relationship problems. She started to seek a process that works fast, deep, creates permanent change, loving relationships, inner peace, and joy. In 1984, she met and became friends with Dr. Erika Chopich, who had half the Inner Bonding® process, and Margaret had the other half! They have been evolving this incredibly powerful healing process for the last 26 years. Margaret works with individuals and couples throughout the world – on the phone, in workshops and 5-Day Intensives, and with members of Inner Bonding Village at http://www.innerbonding.com. She is able to access spiritual Guidance during her sessions, which enables her to work with people wherever they are in the world. Dr. Margaret has just completed a 12 year project call SelfQuest®, which is a transformational self-healing/conflict resolution software program. SelfQuest® is being donated to prisons and schools and sold to individuals, families, and businesses. You can read about SelfQuest® and see a short video of it at http://selfquest.com. In her spare time, Margaret loves to paint, make pottery, take photos, watch birds, read, ride and play with her horses, and spend time with her children and grandchildren.

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