I Don’t Deserve to be Loved

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Have you ever said to yourself, “The reason God doesn’t love me is I don’t deserve to be loved?”

Have you ever looked inside to discover why you might not be loving to yourself and answered with, “I’m not worthy of love”?

I hear this all the time from my clients. It is often one of the major false beliefs of the ego wounded self.

What exactly does this mean? When I ask people the question, “Why don’t you deserve love?” they say, “I don’t know. I guess if I deserved love, I would have been loved.”

So the conclusion they came to is that they must not be worthy of love because they weren’t loved – a huge false conclusion.

“Is there any baby born on the planet that isn’t worthy of love?” I ask them. “Do deformed or handicapped babies deserve love?”

“Of course,” they always answer.

“Do dogs and cats deserve love?”

“Of course.”

“If a puppy has been abandoned and is in a shelter, does he or she deserve love?”

“Well, yes.”

“Then why don’t you?”

When they see that it makes no sense that they don’t deserve love, then they have to grapple with the real issue, which is that even though they are worthy of love, they weren’t loved.

“So were you not loved because you didn’t deserve love, or because your parents or caregivers didn’t know how to love you?”

This, of course, is the real issue. It’s easier to tell ourselves that we don’t deserve love – which then makes it our fault and gives us a feeling of control over not being loved – than to open to the loneliness, helplessness, and heartbreak of not being loved.

“Think about that little baby you were who never felt loved. Does that baby deserve to be loved by you now? Is there anything about the baby in you that isn’t worthy of love?”

“No. No of course not.”

“Are you willing to learn to give that baby the love you never had and still need?”

“Yes. Yes I am.”

“And, when you start to love that baby in you, and then learn to love the toddler and then learn to love your wounded self, do you know what will happen?”

“What?”

“You will know that you deserve to be loved! And you will begin to feel the passion and aliveness that comes from learning to love yourself.”

This is the conundrum for many people: You can’t heal from the core shame belief that you don’t deserve to be loved until you decide to love yourself, but you might not decide to love yourself as long as you believe you are unworthy of love. Many of my clients are more able to start to learn to love themselves when they think of loving the tiny baby in them, rather than the 5-year-old or an adolescent. So starting with the baby might be a very good place to start.

“But I don’t know how,” is often the next thing I hear. If they have children, they can’t get away with this false belief!

“You don’t have to know how,” I tell them. “You just need to be willing to learn. When I had my first child, I didn’t know how. I was an only child and I was rarely around babies. But I wanted to be a loving mother so I learned how. I read books. I talked with other mothers. And I listen to and trusted my heart.”

At that time I didn’t know how to consciously connect with my Guidance, but now I tell them, “Open to learning with your Guidance. When you really want to be loving to the baby, your Guidance will show you how.”

You CAN heal your core shame, and you CAN learn to love yourself. Start with learning to love your inner baby and notice how much better you feel!

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Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Dr. Margaret Paul is the author/co-author of numerous best-selling books, including: Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You? Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You?…The Workbook Healing Your Aloneness The Healing Your Aloneness Workbook Inner Bonding Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By My Kids? Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God? Margaret holds a Ph.D. in psychology and is a relationship expert, public speaker, seminar leader, consultant, facilitator, and artist. She has appeared on many radio and TV shows, including the Oprah show. She has successfully worked with thousands of individuals, couples and business relationships and taught classes and seminars for over 42 years. Dr. Paul’s books have been distributed around the world and have been translated into many languages. After practicing traditional psychotherapy for 17 years, Margaret was discouraged by the results – both for her clients and herself. She had spent years trying to heal from her own dysfunctional and abusive background, but found herself still suffering with anxiety and relationship problems. She started to seek a process that works fast, deep, creates permanent change, loving relationships, inner peace, and joy. In 1984, she met and became friends with Dr. Erika Chopich, who had half the Inner Bonding® process, and Margaret had the other half! They have been evolving this incredibly powerful healing process for the last 26 years. Margaret works with individuals and couples throughout the world – on the phone, in workshops and 5-Day Intensives, and with members of Inner Bonding Village at http://www.innerbonding.com. She is able to access spiritual Guidance during her sessions, which enables her to work with people wherever they are in the world. Dr. Margaret has just completed a 12 year project call SelfQuest®, which is a transformational self-healing/conflict resolution software program. SelfQuest® is being donated to prisons and schools and sold to individuals, families, and businesses. You can read about SelfQuest® and see a short video of it at http://selfquest.com. In her spare time, Margaret loves to paint, make pottery, take photos, watch birds, read, ride and play with her horses, and spend time with her children and grandchildren.
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