Holding Your Heart Through Sadness and Heartbreak

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“I’ve finally learned how to lovingly hold my heart when my heart hurts from the pain of disconnection with loved ones,” said Meagan in our phone session. “I’ve discovered that it’s possible to feel peaceful even in the midst of loneliness and heartbreak.”

Does it seem like a paradox to you to feel both peaceful and sad at the same time?

Peaceful and Sad at the Same Time

When life events are challenging – a loved one is angry at you, you’ve ended a relationship, you’ve been fired from a job, a loved one has died – your heart hurts with the loneliness, heartbreak, grief, and helplessness over others and events, and from the sadness and sorrow of the situation.

You have 2 choices regarding how to handle these very painful feelings.

  • You can do everything you can to avoid feeling them with your substance and process addictions – to food, drugs, alcohol, work, spending, sex, TV, Internet, daydreaming, anger, blame, withdrawal, people-pleasing, and so on.
  • You can hold your heart, opening to the feelings with deep kindness and tenderness toward yourself.

When you do the first – avoid the feelings – you are abandoning yourself, which causes anxiety, depression, shame, anger, and/or emptiness.

When you do the second, you are loving yourself, connecting with yourself and with your spiritual Source of love, compassion and comfort. This creates an inner feeling of safety and peace, even in the midst of pain.

The Mistaken Choice

It is likely that you learned as a child many ways of avoiding feeling your painful feelings of loneliness, heartbreak, grief, and helplessness over others, as you were too little to manage these feelings yourself. Unless you had a parent who knew how to be there for you with deep love and compassion when you were hurting – an empathic parent who knew how to connect with you and your feelings – you had to learn to avoid them to survive.

However, now, as an adult, you can learn to manage the painful feeling of life. You can learn to give to yourself what your parents didn’t know how to give to you – to become the loving parent to yourself that you still need. You can learn to hold your heart, bringing in the compassion and comfort of Spirit, giving yourself the caring, tenderness, gentleness, and understanding that you need to feel peaceful and safe in the midst of the pain.

It is a big mistake to believe that avoiding the pain is safer than embracing it – whether it’s past pain or present pain. A member of Inner Bonding Village, who had been severely abused as a child, states:

The utter loneliness and heartbreak were more than my little self could bear. I really had thought that somehow I could heal without looking at this very dark corner of my being. Yes, like a large black hole where no sunlight could reach. So much anger and pain is here. It feels like I was thrown into a closet and locked in with both. Gratefully, I have found a safe place in which to begin finding those closeted children and bringing them into the light for healing. At one time, no one heard or believed what she had been through and survived but now, there is someone there to hear her cries, open the closet, pick her up, hold her tenderly, believe her, and be her mother.

That person, of course, is her. She is learning to be the loving parent that the wounded little children within need to heal. And, even in the midst of pain, she feels much more peaceful than she ever could by avoiding her pain.

Learn to hold your heart with love and compassion for yourself and you will learn that you can feel peaceful, and even alive and passionate about your life in the midst of the pain of life.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process – featured on Oprah. Are you are ready to discover real love and intimacy? Click here for a FREE CD/DVD relationship offer, and visit our website at www.innerbonding.com for more articles and help. Phone Sessions Available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Dr. Margaret Paul is the author/co-author of numerous best-selling books, including: Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You? Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You?…The Workbook Healing Your Aloneness The Healing Your Aloneness Workbook Inner Bonding Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By My Kids? Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God? Margaret holds a Ph.D. in psychology and is a relationship expert, public speaker, seminar leader, consultant, facilitator, and artist. She has appeared on many radio and TV shows, including the Oprah show. She has successfully worked with thousands of individuals, couples and business relationships and taught classes and seminars for over 42 years. Dr. Paul’s books have been distributed around the world and have been translated into many languages. After practicing traditional psychotherapy for 17 years, Margaret was discouraged by the results – both for her clients and herself. She had spent years trying to heal from her own dysfunctional and abusive background, but found herself still suffering with anxiety and relationship problems. She started to seek a process that works fast, deep, creates permanent change, loving relationships, inner peace, and joy. In 1984, she met and became friends with Dr. Erika Chopich, who had half the Inner Bonding® process, and Margaret had the other half! They have been evolving this incredibly powerful healing process for the last 26 years. Margaret works with individuals and couples throughout the world – on the phone, in workshops and 5-Day Intensives, and with members of Inner Bonding Village at http://www.innerbonding.com. She is able to access spiritual Guidance during her sessions, which enables her to work with people wherever they are in the world. Dr. Margaret has just completed a 12 year project call SelfQuest®, which is a transformational self-healing/conflict resolution software program. SelfQuest® is being donated to prisons and schools and sold to individuals, families, and businesses. You can read about SelfQuest® and see a short video of it at http://selfquest.com. In her spare time, Margaret loves to paint, make pottery, take photos, watch birds, read, ride and play with her horses, and spend time with her children and grandchildren.

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