Healing Racism, Hatred and Violence

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Those of us who have been on a path of healing the wounded aspects of ourselves know that one of the characteristics we often suffer from when we are in a wounded, fearful ego state is that we feel either superior or inferior to others. Because the wounded part of us is based on the core shame beliefs that we are inadequate, flawed, defective, unimportant, and so on, we may feel deeply one-down to others. In order to compensate for these difficult feelings and protect against feeling them, we may deny their existence and move into the opposite position: I am better than others.

This position can take many forms:

  • I am better than others because I have more money.
  • I am better than others because I am thinner, sexier, prettier or more handsome.
  • I am better than others because I have a better car.
  • I am better than women because I am a man, or I am better than men because I am a woman.
  • I am better than homosexuals because I am heterosexual.

Racism comes into the picture when the false beliefs about being one-up extend to race and religion:

  • I am better than Blacks, Asians and Latinos because I am White, or, as is rapidly becoming the case, I am better than Whites because I am Black, Asian, or Latino.
  • I am better than Jews, Buddhists, Hindus and Muslims because I am Christian, or I am better than Christians because I am a Jew, Buddhist, and so on.

All of these false beliefs of the wounded aspect of ourselves stem from fear and a deep desire to have control over not feeling the fear. Hate and the resulting violence are always protections against feeling the fear of believing, in a deep, unconscious place within the wounded self, that we are unworthy.

The way I see it, racists are waving a large flag that says: “I feel deeply inadequate, insecure, fearful, flawed. I am terrified of anyone knowing about these feelings, so I will hide them by pretending to be better than others. This will protect me from ever having to feel how defective I really feel.” Hitler, with his highly abusive background and his deep self-hatred for the small part of himself that was Jewish, illustrates the extreme of what I am talking about.

The problems of racism and violence will not be resolved until:

  1. Our child-rearing practices change to produce people with high self-esteem instead of deep core shame.
  2. Adults commit to their inner healing work which involves healing the wounded aspects of themselves that resort to hate and violence when threatened.

It is necessary for each individual to practice a healing process on a daily basis, such as the one that I teach called Inner Bonding (see resources below for a free course), so that gradually the fears and false beliefs of the wounded self are healed and replaced by the truth: that we are all children of God, equal in the eyes of God. When we heal our wounded selves, we will feel our oneness with all living beings, and would never think of harming another person. When we know ourselves to be the love that is God, we will see and feel that love within each person we meet, regardless of what they look like on the outside. When we learn to love our own soul – our own individual expression of Spirit – we will naturally love the souls of others.


Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?”, “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By My Kids?”, “Healing Your Aloneness”, “Inner Bonding”, and “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God?” Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Dr. Margaret Paul is the author/co-author of numerous best-selling books, including: Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You? Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You?…The Workbook Healing Your Aloneness The Healing Your Aloneness Workbook Inner Bonding Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By My Kids? Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God? Margaret holds a Ph.D. in psychology and is a relationship expert, public speaker, seminar leader, consultant, facilitator, and artist. She has appeared on many radio and TV shows, including the Oprah show. She has successfully worked with thousands of individuals, couples and business relationships and taught classes and seminars for over 42 years. Dr. Paul’s books have been distributed around the world and have been translated into many languages. After practicing traditional psychotherapy for 17 years, Margaret was discouraged by the results – both for her clients and herself. She had spent years trying to heal from her own dysfunctional and abusive background, but found herself still suffering with anxiety and relationship problems. She started to seek a process that works fast, deep, creates permanent change, loving relationships, inner peace, and joy. In 1984, she met and became friends with Dr. Erika Chopich, who had half the Inner Bonding® process, and Margaret had the other half! They have been evolving this incredibly powerful healing process for the last 26 years. Margaret works with individuals and couples throughout the world – on the phone, in workshops and 5-Day Intensives, and with members of Inner Bonding Village at http://www.innerbonding.com. She is able to access spiritual Guidance during her sessions, which enables her to work with people wherever they are in the world. Dr. Margaret has just completed a 12 year project call SelfQuest®, which is a transformational self-healing/conflict resolution software program. SelfQuest® is being donated to prisons and schools and sold to individuals, families, and businesses. You can read about SelfQuest® and see a short video of it at http://selfquest.com. In her spare time, Margaret loves to paint, make pottery, take photos, watch birds, read, ride and play with her horses, and spend time with her children and grandchildren.

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