Healing Love and Approval Addiction

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Are you love or approval addicted?

  • Do you often feel empty inside if you are not in a relationship?
  • Do you often feel empty inside even if you are in a relationship but your partner is not paying attention to you?
  • Do you get anxious when a person you are dating does not contact you when you expect them to?
  • Do you get anxious when your partner goes out of town?
  • Do you tend to ruminate/obsess about what your partner or someone you are dating is thinking or doing?
  • Do you get angry when someone is not saying or doing what you believe they would say or do if they cared about you?

People turn to addictions when they are not taking responsibility for filling themselves with the love they need. Love and approval addiction is like any other addiction: you are using something external – in this case another’s attention to you – to fill the emptiness that is the result of your own self-abandonment.

Most of us learned to abandon ourselves, with various addictions, as we were growing up because:

  • We had no role models of how to take loving care of ourselves.
  • We could not handle the big feelings of loneliness and heartbreak that are often a part of childhood.
  • We did not receive the nurturing we needed to handle the heartache, heartbreak, and loneliness of childhood.

When your parents or other caregivers were upset or unhappy, what did they do? Did you see them doing an inner process to discover the inner source of their upset and shift their thinking and behavior to make themselves happy? Did you see them comforting themselves with deep caring and compassion when life’s challenges were causing them loneliness and heartbreak?

Or, did you see them:

  • Ignoring their feelings and numbing out with substances such as food, alcohol or drugs?
  • Ignoring their feelings and numbing out with processes such as work, TV, gambling, or sex?
  • Getting angry at someone, blaming someone for their feelings?
  • Falling apart, becoming very needy?
  • Turning to you to fill them up – being emotionally incestuous?

The chances are that your parents or other caregivers did not role model personal responsibility for their own feelings, and they may not have compassionately been there for your feelings, so you may never have learned to do this for yourself. If you don’t know how to manage your own feelings of loneliness, heartache, heartbreak, sadness, sorrow, grief, and helplessness over others, then you have learned to turn to various addictions to manage these feelings, including the addiction to others’ love, attention, and approval.

healing Love and Approval Addiction

You CAN heal from love and approval addiction! Following is a brief description of the 6-Step Inner Bonding process that heals love and approval addiction:

The first step is to make a decision that you WANT responsibility for learning how you are causing your own anxiety, depression, anger, guilt and shame with your own thoughts and actions, and that you WANT responsibility for learning how to nurture the painful feelings of life – the loneliness, heartbreak and grief that are so challenging.

The next step is to open to learning with deep compassion toward yourself, connecting with a loving spiritual Source of love and wisdom. If you are not connected with a spiritual Source of love and wisdom, then you need to learn to do this. You cannot take responsibility for your own feelings alone. You need to be supported by a spiritual Source.

Third, you need to explore what you are telling yourself and how you are treating yourself that is causing your anxiety, depression or anger – discovering the false beliefs that you are operating from. You need to be tender and gentle with your deeper feelings of loneliness and heartbreak.

Fourth, you need to open to learning with your Source of Guidance, asking “What is in my highest good?” “What is the loving action toward myself?” Open and listen for the answer.

Fifth, take the loving action in your own behalf.

Sixth, go back inside and see how you are feeling. If you are not feeling better, then go back and do the process again until you feel relief.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® healing process. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Learn Inner Bonding now! Click here for a FREE Inner Bonding Course, and visit our website at www.innerbonding.com for more articles and help. Phone Sessions Available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Dr. Margaret Paul is the author/co-author of numerous best-selling books, including: Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You? Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You?…The Workbook Healing Your Aloneness The Healing Your Aloneness Workbook Inner Bonding Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By My Kids? Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God? Margaret holds a Ph.D. in psychology and is a relationship expert, public speaker, seminar leader, consultant, facilitator, and artist. She has appeared on many radio and TV shows, including the Oprah show. She has successfully worked with thousands of individuals, couples and business relationships and taught classes and seminars for over 42 years. Dr. Paul’s books have been distributed around the world and have been translated into many languages. After practicing traditional psychotherapy for 17 years, Margaret was discouraged by the results – both for her clients and herself. She had spent years trying to heal from her own dysfunctional and abusive background, but found herself still suffering with anxiety and relationship problems. She started to seek a process that works fast, deep, creates permanent change, loving relationships, inner peace, and joy. In 1984, she met and became friends with Dr. Erika Chopich, who had half the Inner Bonding® process, and Margaret had the other half! They have been evolving this incredibly powerful healing process for the last 26 years. Margaret works with individuals and couples throughout the world – on the phone, in workshops and 5-Day Intensives, and with members of Inner Bonding Village at http://www.innerbonding.com. She is able to access spiritual Guidance during her sessions, which enables her to work with people wherever they are in the world. Dr. Margaret has just completed a 12 year project call SelfQuest®, which is a transformational self-healing/conflict resolution software program. SelfQuest® is being donated to prisons and schools and sold to individuals, families, and businesses. You can read about SelfQuest® and see a short video of it at http://selfquest.com. In her spare time, Margaret loves to paint, make pottery, take photos, watch birds, read, ride and play with her horses, and spend time with her children and grandchildren.

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