Giving Up: Have You Given Up on Yourself?

Closeup of a woman thinking and looking to the left

“I feel like giving up,” Emma told me in our first phone session. “I’ve worked and worked on myself and I’m still miserable. I’ve had years of therapy and I still feel unbearably depressed. Nothing is working.”

“It sounds to me like you are abandoning yourself.”

“What do you mean? I take good care of myself. I eat well, exercise daily, work hard and take care of finances – in fact I’m doing really well financially – and I pamper myself. I get massages, get my nails done, and buy beautiful clothes. I have a nice house, a caring husband, and two wonderful children. I DO take care of myself, which is why I feel like giving up. I don’t get why you are telling me that I’m abandoning myself.”

“What are you feeling right now?”

“Miserable and angry at you for not understanding.”

“Are you willing to take responsibility for being the cause of your anger and misery?”

“What do you mean?”

“Are you willing to know that you are the cause of your misery and anger and to learn what you are doing to cause it?”

“Okay, but I don’t know what to do.”

“Emma, do you have any kind of spiritual connection?”

“No, I don’t believe in God.”

“I’d like you to imagine your own higher self – an older, wiser version of you. Are you willing to do that?”


“Right now, just take a deep breath and imagine that you are sitting with a very unhappy child. Focus in your heart and imagine that your older, wiser self is with you. Ask her to bring compassion into your heart for your unhappy inner child. Find a place in you that really wants to learn about what you are thinking and doing that is causing your inner child to be so unhappy. Now ask your inner child out loud, ‘What am I thinking or doing that is causing you to be so unhappy?'”

Emma did this.

“Now allow your feeling self, which is your inner child, to answer you. Move into your unhappiness and allow that part of you to speak.”

Emma’s child: “You don’t even know I exist. You never pay any attention to me. You never listen to me. You judge me all the time. You are constantly telling me I’m not doing things right and that I’m not good enough.”

Emma was stunned. “Wow! That’s right! I am always judging myself. Is this what is causing my misery?”

“Yes, it’s part of it. Not only are you judging yourself, but then you ignore how you feel when you judge yourself. Then you project out on to others the fact that you are judging yourself and not listening to or understanding yourself. You got angry at me for not understanding you, which is a projection of you not understanding you. These are all ways you are abandoning yourself, which is what is causing your unhappiness. Now, ask your Guidance – your older wiser self – what you need to do so that your inner child starts to feel loved by you.”

Emma asks. “She says that I need to stop judging myself.”

“Emma, I suggest that you start to notice your judgments without judging yourself for judging yourself. You cannot stop something that you are not aware of doing. So just start to notice.”

Emma did start to notice, which enabled her to gradually become less judgmental of herself. As Emma learned and practiced the Inner Bonding process, she stopped abandoning herself and learned to treat herself with love.

“You know what?” she said to me in a phone session. “I feel joy for the first time in my life!”

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® healing process. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Learn Inner Bonding now! Click here for a FREE Inner Bonding Course, and visit our website at for more articles and help. Phone Sessions Available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Dr. Margaret Paul is the author/co-author of numerous best-selling books, including: Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You? Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You?…The Workbook Healing Your Aloneness The Healing Your Aloneness Workbook Inner Bonding Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By My Kids? Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God? Margaret holds a Ph.D. in psychology and is a relationship expert, public speaker, seminar leader, consultant, facilitator, and artist. She has appeared on many radio and TV shows, including the Oprah show. She has successfully worked with thousands of individuals, couples and business relationships and taught classes and seminars for over 42 years. Dr. Paul’s books have been distributed around the world and have been translated into many languages. After practicing traditional psychotherapy for 17 years, Margaret was discouraged by the results – both for her clients and herself. She had spent years trying to heal from her own dysfunctional and abusive background, but found herself still suffering with anxiety and relationship problems. She started to seek a process that works fast, deep, creates permanent change, loving relationships, inner peace, and joy. In 1984, she met and became friends with Dr. Erika Chopich, who had half the Inner Bonding® process, and Margaret had the other half! They have been evolving this incredibly powerful healing process for the last 26 years. Margaret works with individuals and couples throughout the world – on the phone, in workshops and 5-Day Intensives, and with members of Inner Bonding Village at She is able to access spiritual Guidance during her sessions, which enables her to work with people wherever they are in the world. Dr. Margaret has just completed a 12 year project call SelfQuest®, which is a transformational self-healing/conflict resolution software program. SelfQuest® is being donated to prisons and schools and sold to individuals, families, and businesses. You can read about SelfQuest® and see a short video of it at In her spare time, Margaret loves to paint, make pottery, take photos, watch birds, read, ride and play with her horses, and spend time with her children and grandchildren.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *