Giving To Others: Draining Or Fulfilling?

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Giving to others can be one of the most fulfilling experiences in life, or it can be one of the most draining. What makes the difference?

The difference has to do with WHY you are giving to others.

Giving From A Full Heart

When we give from a full heart, we are giving because we are so filled up with love that it is overflowing, and we receive great joy in giving to others.

We are not giving to get anything back because we don’t need anything back. We don’t need anything back because we have taken 100% responsibility for loving ourselves – for thinking the loving thoughts and taking the loving actions that make us feel worthy, lovable, peaceful and joyful within.

When I am giving from a full heart I don’t need others to give me approval for giving. The giving is its own reward, as long as I am certain that my giving is loving to myself and others. My fulfillment is not dependent upon others’ approval, but on how I feel about myself. I am receiving fulfillment from being the kind of person I value.

When I am taking loving care of myself, I’m not available to being used or drained by others. If I feel that others are latching on to me like a vampire and trying to suck the life out of me, then I lovingly disengage, as my primary intent is to be loving to myself – and it is not loving to myself to allow myself to be used and drained. It is loving to me to fulfill myself through giving to others, as long as this feels good inside. If it doesn’t feel good, then it isn’t loving – either to me or to others. Giving to others who just want to take is enabling them to continue to avoid responsibility for themselves. It is not loving to me or them to support them in being needy victims.

It is loving to me to give to others who utilize what I give them to heal, learn and grow. It is incredibly fulfilling to help others who genuinely want to help themselves, but it is draining to give to others who have no intention of helping themselves. If you are giving from a full heart but you feel drained in the giving, this is telling you that you are enabling someone rather than being loving to yourself and to them.

Giving From An Empty Heart

When you are not taking responsibility for your own self-worth, inner peace and joy, then there is likely an emptiness within you. When you give from an empty place, you may feel drained rather than fulfilled in the giving.

You might want to see if you identify with either of these reasons for giving to others:

  • Are you giving to get attention, approval, validation, time or sex?When this is the case, you are giving to get, rather than giving from a full heart. Others may feel pulled at and manipulated by your giving, and may pull back. Your giving may feel controlling and invasive and they may withdraw and go into resistance, not wanting to connect with you. You might end up feeling resentful and drained in your giving.
  • Have you been taught that you are a good person only when you are sacrificing yourself – giving yourself up to giving to others? Are you giving out of fear, obligation or guilt?You may be giving to get others to see you as a good person, rather than giving from a full heart, where you have already defined yourself as a good person. When you do this, you have abandoned your responsibility to define you own goodness and worth, and you are making others responsible for your definition of your sense of worth. This kind of giving will never lead to fulfillment.

When you learn how to take full responsibility for your own feelings of worth, peace and joy, then giving to others who can benefit from your giving will be one of the most joyful of life’s experiences.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process – featured on Oprah. Are you are ready to discover real love and intimacy? Click here for a FREE CD/DVD relationship offer, and visit our website at www.innerbonding.com for more articles and help. Phone Sessions Available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Dr. Margaret Paul is the author/co-author of numerous best-selling books, including: Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You? Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You?…The Workbook Healing Your Aloneness The Healing Your Aloneness Workbook Inner Bonding Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By My Kids? Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God? Margaret holds a Ph.D. in psychology and is a relationship expert, public speaker, seminar leader, consultant, facilitator, and artist. She has appeared on many radio and TV shows, including the Oprah show. She has successfully worked with thousands of individuals, couples and business relationships and taught classes and seminars for over 42 years. Dr. Paul’s books have been distributed around the world and have been translated into many languages. After practicing traditional psychotherapy for 17 years, Margaret was discouraged by the results – both for her clients and herself. She had spent years trying to heal from her own dysfunctional and abusive background, but found herself still suffering with anxiety and relationship problems. She started to seek a process that works fast, deep, creates permanent change, loving relationships, inner peace, and joy. In 1984, she met and became friends with Dr. Erika Chopich, who had half the Inner Bonding® process, and Margaret had the other half! They have been evolving this incredibly powerful healing process for the last 26 years. Margaret works with individuals and couples throughout the world – on the phone, in workshops and 5-Day Intensives, and with members of Inner Bonding Village at http://www.innerbonding.com. She is able to access spiritual Guidance during her sessions, which enables her to work with people wherever they are in the world. Dr. Margaret has just completed a 12 year project call SelfQuest®, which is a transformational self-healing/conflict resolution software program. SelfQuest® is being donated to prisons and schools and sold to individuals, families, and businesses. You can read about SelfQuest® and see a short video of it at http://selfquest.com. In her spare time, Margaret loves to paint, make pottery, take photos, watch birds, read, ride and play with her horses, and spend time with her children and grandchildren.

1 Comment

  1. Carwen

    March 6, 2015 at 12:22 am

    This has been such s lovely encouraging read, I totally agree. THANKYOU for writing 🙂 🙂

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