Do You Feel Loved or Unloved?

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Do you feel unloved? Do you know what would make you feel loved?

Ask yourself: Who do you feel loved or unloved by? Your partner? Your parents? Your children? Yourself? God?

Feeling Loved or Unloved by Yourself and/or God

What does it mean to feel loved or unloved by yourself?

You will likely feel unloved by yourself when you abandon yourself by:

  • Ignoring your feelings by staying in your head rather than being present in your body.
  • Judging yourself, being negative, rather than being kind, caring and compassionate with yourself.
  • Turning to various addictions to avoid feeling your feelings and taking responsibility for them.
  • Making others responsible for your feelings, or taking responsibility for others’ feelings.
  • Not speaking up for yourself – allowing yourself to be treated badly by others.
  • Not taking care of your health by eating badly, not exercising, not getting enough sleep.
  • Not opening to learning with a spiritual source of love and truth.
  • Not taking financial and organizational care of yourself.

When you are not loving yourself, you will also feel abandoned by God, and therefore feel unloved by God. And, when you are not loving yourself, you will also likely not feel loved by others, even if they are loving you.

You will feel loved by yourself when you:

  • Are present with your feelings with an intent to learn about the information they are giving you and you desire to take responsibility for them.
  • You treat yourself with kindness, gentleness, and compassion.
  • You think in positive ways.
  • You do not make others responsible for your feelings nor do you take responsibility for others’ feelings.
  • You speak your truth without blame or judgment.
  • You take good care of your body/health.
  • You provide financial and organizational safety for yourself.
  • You have a devoted spiritual practice.

When you are loving yourself in these ways, you will also feel the love of Spirit within you and all around you.

Feeling Loved or Unloved by Another

You will likely feel unloved by another when:

  • The other is distant, cold, withdrawn, discounting, negative, disconnected, emotionally unavailable – controlling in any number of covert ways.
  • The other is angry, blaming, judgmental, mean, attacking, lying, physically violent – controlling in any number of overt ways.
  • The other is closed to learning with you, refusing to lovingly discuss problems and resolve conflict.
  • The other shuts you out with TV, Blackberry or iPhone, computer, work, reading, alcohol, pot, and any number of other addictions.
  • The other is uninterested in you and what you say.
  • The other doesn’t care about how his or her behavior affects you.

Others will also feel unloved by you when you are behaving in the above ways.

You will feel loved when:

  • The other cares about your feelings and wellbeing, and about the effect his or her behavior has on you. The other cares and attempts to understand when his or her behavior is hurtful to you.
  • The other is compassionate with you when you are feeling the core feelings of loneliness, heartache, heartbreak, grief, or sorrow – even when it is about his or her behavior.
  • The other listens to you attentively, connecting with you emotionally.
  • The other is open to learning with you in conflict and wants your highest good as well as his or her highest good.
  • The other takes responsibility for his or her own feelings and wellbeing so he or she can come to you with an open heart full of love.

Others will feel loved when you are behaving in the above ways.

If you are feeling unloved, you need to look at how you are not being loving to yourself within yourself and with others. If you consistently feel unloved by a particular person, you need to look at how you might not be taking loving care of yourself when around that person.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process – featured on Oprah. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Click here for a FREE Inner Bonding Course, and visit our website at for more articles and help. Phone Sessions Available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Dr. Margaret Paul is the author/co-author of numerous best-selling books, including: Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You? Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You?…The Workbook Healing Your Aloneness The Healing Your Aloneness Workbook Inner Bonding Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By My Kids? Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God? Margaret holds a Ph.D. in psychology and is a relationship expert, public speaker, seminar leader, consultant, facilitator, and artist. She has appeared on many radio and TV shows, including the Oprah show. She has successfully worked with thousands of individuals, couples and business relationships and taught classes and seminars for over 42 years. Dr. Paul’s books have been distributed around the world and have been translated into many languages. After practicing traditional psychotherapy for 17 years, Margaret was discouraged by the results – both for her clients and herself. She had spent years trying to heal from her own dysfunctional and abusive background, but found herself still suffering with anxiety and relationship problems. She started to seek a process that works fast, deep, creates permanent change, loving relationships, inner peace, and joy. In 1984, she met and became friends with Dr. Erika Chopich, who had half the Inner Bonding® process, and Margaret had the other half! They have been evolving this incredibly powerful healing process for the last 26 years. Margaret works with individuals and couples throughout the world – on the phone, in workshops and 5-Day Intensives, and with members of Inner Bonding Village at She is able to access spiritual Guidance during her sessions, which enables her to work with people wherever they are in the world. Dr. Margaret has just completed a 12 year project call SelfQuest®, which is a transformational self-healing/conflict resolution software program. SelfQuest® is being donated to prisons and schools and sold to individuals, families, and businesses. You can read about SelfQuest® and see a short video of it at In her spare time, Margaret loves to paint, make pottery, take photos, watch birds, read, ride and play with her horses, and spend time with her children and grandchildren.

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