Discover Your Level of Narcissism

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All of us have some characteristics and behaviors that fall into the category of narcissism. Narcissism is on a continuum from mild, occasional, and subtle to the more ubiquitous, obvious or extreme behaviors of a narcissistic personality disorder. Since narcissism is likely a part of everyone’s ego wounded self, it is helpful to your personal growth and development to be aware of your own level of narcissism.

Be honest with yourself – but not judgmental – regarding the presence and intensity of the following characteristics:

  • I generally take others’ rejecting, critical, harsh, shut-down, or diminishing behavior personally. I tell myself that when others choose to behave in uncaring ways toward me, it is my fault – it is about me not being good enough or me doing something wrong. I make others’ choices – to be open or closed, loving or unloving – about me.
  • I frequently judge and shame myself, trying to get myself to do things “right” so that I can have control over getting others’ love, attention or approval. Getting others’ love, attention and approval is vital to me.
  • I make others responsible for my worth, value, sense of aliveness and fullness. Others have to be kind, loving, approving of me, or sexually attracted to me, for me to feel that I’m okay. When others ignore me or are not attracted to me, I feel unworthy, depressed or empty inside.
  • I have a hard time having compassion for myself, so I expect others to have compassion for me when I feel anxious, depressed, angry, shamed or guilty, rather than taking responsibility for my own feelings. If others lack compassion for me or criticize me, I turn things around onto them, and blame them.
  • I lack empathy and compassion for the feelings of others, especially when I’ve behaved in ways that may be hurtful to others. I have a hard time recognizing or identifying with the feelings and needs of others.
  • When someone offers me valuable information about myself, or ‘tough love’, I see it as an attack, rather than as a gift, and I generally attack back.

The DSM IV – The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of mental disorders, states about people suffering from a narcissistic personality disorder:

“Vulnerability in self-esteem makes individuals with narcissistic personality disorder very sensitive to “injury” from criticism or defeat. Although they may not show it outwardly, criticism may haunt these individuals and may leave them feeling humiliated, degraded, hollow and empty. They may react with disdain, rage, or defiant counterattack. Such experience may lead to social withdrawal or an appearance of humility. Interpersonal relations are typically impaired due to problems derived from entitlement, the need for admiration, and the relative disregard for the sensitivities of others.”

  • When in conflict with someone, or when someone behaves in a way I don’t like, I often focus on getting them to deal with what they are doing, rather than focus on what I’m doing. I make them responsible for my choices and feelings, and I believe things will get better if I can get them to change.
  • I feel entitled to get what I want from others – whether it’s money, sex, attention or approval. Others ‘owe’ me.
  • I often try to get away with things, such as not having to follow the rules or the law, and I’m indignant when I’m called to the carpet.
  • I see myself as special and entitled to do what I want, even if it’s harmful to others.
  • I believe I should get credit for what I do and I should be recognized as superior, even if I do a mediocre job.
  • I am so unique and special that only other unique and special people can understand me. It is beneath me to associate with people who are not as special as I am. While some think I am arrogant, it is only because I’m truly so unique and special.
  • Because I’m so special, I have the right to demand what I want from others, and to manipulate others – with my charm, brilliance, anger or blame – into giving me what I want.

Again, all of us have some of these characteristics and it is important to learn about them, rather than judge ourselves for them.

Narcissism can be healed. When you learn and consistently practice the Six Steps of Inner Bonding, you learn to define your own worth, to give yourself the love and compassion you need to feel full inside, and to share love with others.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process – featured on Oprah. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Click here for a FREE Inner Bonding Course, and visit our website at www.innerbonding.com for more articles and help. Phone Sessions Available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Dr. Margaret Paul is the author/co-author of numerous best-selling books, including: Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You? Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You?…The Workbook Healing Your Aloneness The Healing Your Aloneness Workbook Inner Bonding Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By My Kids? Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God? Margaret holds a Ph.D. in psychology and is a relationship expert, public speaker, seminar leader, consultant, facilitator, and artist. She has appeared on many radio and TV shows, including the Oprah show. She has successfully worked with thousands of individuals, couples and business relationships and taught classes and seminars for over 42 years. Dr. Paul’s books have been distributed around the world and have been translated into many languages. After practicing traditional psychotherapy for 17 years, Margaret was discouraged by the results – both for her clients and herself. She had spent years trying to heal from her own dysfunctional and abusive background, but found herself still suffering with anxiety and relationship problems. She started to seek a process that works fast, deep, creates permanent change, loving relationships, inner peace, and joy. In 1984, she met and became friends with Dr. Erika Chopich, who had half the Inner Bonding® process, and Margaret had the other half! They have been evolving this incredibly powerful healing process for the last 26 years. Margaret works with individuals and couples throughout the world – on the phone, in workshops and 5-Day Intensives, and with members of Inner Bonding Village at http://www.innerbonding.com. She is able to access spiritual Guidance during her sessions, which enables her to work with people wherever they are in the world. Dr. Margaret has just completed a 12 year project call SelfQuest®, which is a transformational self-healing/conflict resolution software program. SelfQuest® is being donated to prisons and schools and sold to individuals, families, and businesses. You can read about SelfQuest® and see a short video of it at http://selfquest.com. In her spare time, Margaret loves to paint, make pottery, take photos, watch birds, read, ride and play with her horses, and spend time with her children and grandchildren.

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