Depression and Self Abandonment

Depression and Self Abandonment

Depression and Self Abandonment Depression and Self Abandonment

Most feelings of depression is caused by some form of self abandonment. The depression is your inner self’s way of letting you know that you are abandoning yourself.

Most people want to believe that their depression is being caused by the past, by other people, or by events, but these are not the cause of most depression.

There are three levels of self abandonment.

1. Self-judgment and Other Lies

The first level of self abandonment is the self-judgments and other lies we tell ourselves. Do you ever tell yourself any of these lies and judgments?

  • I am not lovable.
  • I am unworthy and undeserving of love.
  • It is my fault that he/she doesn’t like me.
  • I am inadequate.
  • I am a failure.
  • I am ugly. I am too tall, too short, too fat, too thin, too dark, too light, and so on.
  • I am selfish when I take care of myself.
  • I am alone and I will always be alone.
  • No one will ever love me.

Telling yourself these lies and judgments is like telling them to a small child. The child would feel very depressed at hearing these statements from you. Likewise, your inner child – which is your feeling self – feels depressed when you judge yourself and lie to yourself.

2. Ignoring the Feelings You Are Creating with the Self Judgments

The second level of self abandonment is ignoring the pain you are causing by your self-judgment. You might further lie to yourself by telling yourself that your pain is being caused by others, the past, or circumstances, rather than by your own self-judgments and lies.

When you ignore the feelings you are causing, the message to your inner child is that he or she is not important to you. His or her feelings don’t matter. Now you not only feel the anxiety or depression coming from your lies and self-judgments, but you exacerbate your painful feelings by ignoring the feelings that you are creating.

3. Turning to addictions – Approval, sex, Substances, Processes

Now you feel intense anxiety, depression, anger, hurt, and so on, and you further abandon yourself by turning to various addictions to numb out the pain and avoid responsibility for it.

Since you are doing anything but loving yourself and your inner child always needs love – or at least some way of filling up the inner emptiness and aloneness – your ego wounded self now turns to old learned addictive ways of avoiding pain. You might pull on someone to give you attention or approval. You might try to get someone to have sex with you, or masturbate to Internet porn. You might turn to substances: food, sugar, nicotine, caffeine, drugs or alcohol – which might temporarily alleviate anxiety or depression, but may also become a physical cause of depression. Or, you might turn to processes such as TV, work, or gambling.

Turning to any of these addictions pacifies the pain for the moment – which is how they become addictions – but because they are all ways of abandoning oneself, they only lead to more pain in the long run.

Now you are not only in pain from the self-judgments and then ignoring your feelings, but now you are in deeper pain from making others responsible for your feelings or numbing them out with substances and processes.

You are stuck in the vicious cycle of self abandonment that feeds upon itself. You will not get out of this cycle until you stop abandoning yourself and instead move into a deep desire to learn about loving yourself instead of abandoning yourself. To begin this process, you can access our free Inner Bonding® course at

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Dr. Margaret Paul is the author/co-author of numerous best-selling books, including: Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You? Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You?…The Workbook Healing Your Aloneness The Healing Your Aloneness Workbook Inner Bonding Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By My Kids? Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God? Margaret holds a Ph.D. in psychology and is a relationship expert, public speaker, seminar leader, consultant, facilitator, and artist. She has appeared on many radio and TV shows, including the Oprah show. She has successfully worked with thousands of individuals, couples and business relationships and taught classes and seminars for over 42 years. Dr. Paul’s books have been distributed around the world and have been translated into many languages. After practicing traditional psychotherapy for 17 years, Margaret was discouraged by the results – both for her clients and herself. She had spent years trying to heal from her own dysfunctional and abusive background, but found herself still suffering with anxiety and relationship problems. She started to seek a process that works fast, deep, creates permanent change, loving relationships, inner peace, and joy. In 1984, she met and became friends with Dr. Erika Chopich, who had half the Inner Bonding® process, and Margaret had the other half! They have been evolving this incredibly powerful healing process for the last 26 years. Margaret works with individuals and couples throughout the world – on the phone, in workshops and 5-Day Intensives, and with members of Inner Bonding Village at She is able to access spiritual Guidance during her sessions, which enables her to work with people wherever they are in the world. Dr. Margaret has just completed a 12 year project call SelfQuest®, which is a transformational self-healing/conflict resolution software program. SelfQuest® is being donated to prisons and schools and sold to individuals, families, and businesses. You can read about SelfQuest® and see a short video of it at In her spare time, Margaret loves to paint, make pottery, take photos, watch birds, read, ride and play with her horses, and spend time with her children and grandchildren.

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