Dealing with Domestic Abuse: Lessons from Kathy

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Kathy was a smart, logical and practical woman. At 27, she already owned her own home, car and successful floral business. She was awe-struck the moment she saw Kirk. He was handsome and very charming. He came into her store to buy two dozen roses for his girl-friend. “It must have been quite a fight,” Kathy joked. Little did she know how true her words were. Kirk smiled, but said nothing. However, he came back a couple of days later for more flowers. Kathy asked him how it had worked out.”We broke up.” he stated. “I am here to get some flowers for my mother who is in the hospital.” Nearly every day he came in and bought flowers, and their conversations grew longer. After a couple of weeks Kirk asked her out.

Their relationship moved very fast. Just a month later, they were engaged and four months later they were married. Kathy was extremely happy and looked forward to sharing her life with Kirk and starting a family. They never fought and life seemed sweet and peaceful with Kirk. Kathy had a “pleaser” personality and loved to make Kirk happy.The first time Kathy saw Kirk’s temper was when an elderly lady cut him off in traffic. Kirk nearly wrecked the car trying to pass the elderly woman and cut her off in revenge. Kathy screamed. She couldn’t believe this was happening. She never had seen this side of Kirk and it frightened her. He seemed completely out of control. “Stop this,” she pleaded as he floored the gas pedal in the car.

He didn’t stop and ultimately ran the elderly lady off the road. Kathy was in shock. She did not say anything to him.Kathy was distant and quiet long after they arrived home. Kirk was upset at her reaction. He began an emotional tirade of put-downs, insults and criticisms of her. After an hour or so, things had settled down and they were getting along again. Kathy brushed it off as an isolated incident. Kathy and Kirk had decided to start their family immediately and Kathy got pregnant right away. She was thrilled. Kirk seemed stressed.

He had been having trouble getting along with a coworker and had received a written warning at his work. Sometimes Kathy noticed he would lose control when talking about work and he would punch holes in their walls. One day when Kathy was on the phone with her mother, Kirk started making rude remarks to her. Kathy was so embarrassed she got off the phone.

This article is continued on: Gift From Within.


Gift From Within, an international nonprofit organization is dedicated to those who suffer post-traumatic stress disorder (ptsd), those at risk for ptsd, and those who care for traumatized individuals. Educational materials include articles, webcasts, inspirational stories, art, poetry and meditations.

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