Blaming Others Can Ruin Your Health

A closeup of a strong defiant woman's face.

This article on CNN Health – Blaming Others Can Ruin Your Health -by Elizabeth Cohen, is very interesting, regarding the negative health effects of blame and resentment.

“Feeling bitter interferes with the body’s hormonal and immune systems, according to Carsten Wrosch, an associate professor of psychology at Concordia University in Montreal….”
“The data that negative mental states cause heart problems is just stupendous. The data is just as established as smoking, and the size of the effect is the same.”
–Dr. Charles Raison

Blame ignites the body’s fight or flight stress mechanism. If we actually fight, then the stress hormones will dissipate, but “When our bodies are constantly primed to fight someone, the increase in blood pressure and in chemicals such as C-reactive protein eventually take a toll on the heart and other parts of the body” states Raison.

It is now well known that 90% of illness has its source in stress – and blame, resentment and bitterness certainly cause much stress.

Our ego wounded self is the part of us that wants to control everything, and blaming others for our feelings is a very common way of trying to control. However, like anything we do that avoids taking responsibility for ourselves, the consequences can be disastrous for our wellbeing.

Moving Beyond Blame

The first thing you need to ask yourself is, “Do I WANT to move beyond blame? Am I ready to let go of seeing myself as a victim of others’ choices and learn how to take responsibility for my own feelings and needs?”

The answer to this question might not be at all obvious to you. One part of you might be saying, “Of course I want to let go of blame. Why would I want to keep blaming? Why would I want to be a victim?” However, another less conscious part of you might be deeply invested in the belief that others and circumstances cause your feelings. You might not want to know that you are the captain of your own ship, and that you are the one keeping yourself stuck – feeling angry, resentful, victimized, anxious or depressed.

So, the question is, “Do I WANT to learn how to take responsibility for myself – both for causing my own pain, and for managing the pain caused by others and circumstances – or do I want to stay stuck in blame and resentment?”

Think about this carefully, as it is very easy to fool yourself. Since the identity of our programmed mind – our ego wounded self – is based on trying to have control over getting love and avoiding pain, to feel safe, it is not easy to want to give up this control.

If you decide that you really want to let go of trying to control through blaming others – or blaming yourself – then following the Six Steps of Inner Bonding will train you in taking responsibility for yourself.

Start with tuning in to the anger and resentment that gets expressed as blame. Breathe into these feelings and embrace them, as a loving parent would embrace an upset child.

Now go a little deeper. Tune in to the difficult feelings of helplessness, loneliness and heartache that might be underneath the anger and resentment. Breathe into these feelings with kindness and caring toward yourself. These are hard feelings to feel. It takes courage to feel them, so congratulate yourself if you have the courage.

See if you can accept that you cannot have control over getting the person you are angry with to change. Paradoxically, accepting your powerlessness over others is what opens the door to personal power – to taking loving care of yourself.

Once you can find a place of acceptance of your lack of control over others, open to learning with your higher self. Ask, with a solid intent to learn about loving yourself, “What do I need to do right now to create an inner sense of peace?” Stay open to ideas popping into your mind.

Then take the action that seems most loving to you. Perhaps it would be a prayer for the person you are angry at. Perhaps you need a good cry and/or a walk in nature. Perhaps you need to reach out for help from a friend or therapist. The loving action is the action that brings a sense of peace and fullness inside.

If you try this each time you find yourself angry, blaming and resentful, you will move out of the stress of blame and into the peace of taking personal responsibility for your emotional wellbeing.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process – featured on Oprah. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Click here for a FREE Inner Bonding Course, and visit our website at for more articles and help. Phone Sessions Available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Dr. Margaret Paul is the author/co-author of numerous best-selling books, including: Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You? Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You?…The Workbook Healing Your Aloneness The Healing Your Aloneness Workbook Inner Bonding Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By My Kids? Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God? Margaret holds a Ph.D. in psychology and is a relationship expert, public speaker, seminar leader, consultant, facilitator, and artist. She has appeared on many radio and TV shows, including the Oprah show. She has successfully worked with thousands of individuals, couples and business relationships and taught classes and seminars for over 42 years. Dr. Paul’s books have been distributed around the world and have been translated into many languages. After practicing traditional psychotherapy for 17 years, Margaret was discouraged by the results – both for her clients and herself. She had spent years trying to heal from her own dysfunctional and abusive background, but found herself still suffering with anxiety and relationship problems. She started to seek a process that works fast, deep, creates permanent change, loving relationships, inner peace, and joy. In 1984, she met and became friends with Dr. Erika Chopich, who had half the Inner Bonding® process, and Margaret had the other half! They have been evolving this incredibly powerful healing process for the last 26 years. Margaret works with individuals and couples throughout the world – on the phone, in workshops and 5-Day Intensives, and with members of Inner Bonding Village at She is able to access spiritual Guidance during her sessions, which enables her to work with people wherever they are in the world. Dr. Margaret has just completed a 12 year project call SelfQuest®, which is a transformational self-healing/conflict resolution software program. SelfQuest® is being donated to prisons and schools and sold to individuals, families, and businesses. You can read about SelfQuest® and see a short video of it at In her spare time, Margaret loves to paint, make pottery, take photos, watch birds, read, ride and play with her horses, and spend time with her children and grandchildren.

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