Are You or Your Partner Possessive?

Dealing with Interpersonal Relationships as a W.O.W. (Wife of a Widower)

Are you or your partner possessive?

“I freak out when my husband even looks at another woman. I trust him not to wander, so I don’t know why this upsets me so much.”

“My partner spends too much time with her friends and family. What’s the point of being together if she’s always gone a couple of nights a week?”

“My wife wants to go back to school now that the children are older. She doesn’t need to work, so why does she want to do this? It’s going to take up way too much of her time.”

“My husband has to go out of town for work a lot. I feel so angry about this. What about me?”

“I love to dance and my husband doesn’t, so why does he get so upset when I dance with someone else – even with another woman?”

What’s going on here? What is behind this possessiveness?

your partner possessive Are You or Your Partner Possessive?

Are You or Your Partner Possessive? Is jealousy getting in the way of your relationship?

Possessiveness is the result of self-abandonment. Self-abandonment often creates deep feelings of insecurity. When a person is possessive, it is because they want their partner to fill up the emptiness and take away the feelings of insecurity that come from self-abandonment.

Are You Possessive?

If you are possessive, do you believe it is your partner’s responsibility to make you feel loved and secure? This is a huge false belief, and here’s why:

Even if your partner spends all his or her time with you, never looks at another person and is very loving to you, you will still feel insecure and empty inside if you:

  • Ignore your feelings
  • Judge yourself
  • Turn to addictions to self-medicate
  • Make others responsible for your feelings

Imagine that you have a child who you ignore, judge, medicate and try to give away to others. Will this child feel secure? When you abandon yourself, you are abandoning your inner child, which always creates insecurity, no matter how loving your partner is to you. While your partner’s love makes you feel better for the moment – just as any addiction works to make you feel better for the moment – it cannot heal the insecurity that is being caused by your own self-abandonment.

Is Your Partner Possessive?

  • Do you feel responsible for your partner’s insecurity, and believe it is your job to make your partner feel secure?
  • Do you give yourself up and not do what you want to do, out of fear of your partner’s reaction?
  • Do you do what you want, but lie about it?
your partner possessive Are You or Your Partner Possessive?

Are You or Your Partner Possessive? What can you do to help fix your relationship?

If you do any of these things, you are contributing to your partner’s insecurity rather than helping him or her learn to become inwardly secure. Care-taking your partner serves to reinforce your partner’s false belief that you are responsible for making him or her feel secure. Enabling your partner in this way perpetuates the problem.

Your responsibility is to tune in to how lonely and heartbreaking it feels to you when your partner doesn’t support you in doing what brings you joy, or in just being who you are. Your responsibility is to focus on taking loving care of your own inner child, who feels anxious and unloved when you abandon yourself to care-take your partner. By learning to take loving care of yourself in the face of your partner’s controlling behavior, you not only heal your own anxiety; you become a role model of personal responsibility, which may help your partner learn to take loving care of himself or herself.

It is important to accept that no matter how loving you are to your partner or how much you give yourself up, your partner will become secure only when he/she learns to be loving to himself/herself.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process – featured on Oprah. Are you are ready to discover real love and intimacy? Click here for a FREE CD/DVD relationship offer, and visit our website at www.innerbonding.com for more articles and help. Phone Sessions Available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Dr. Margaret Paul is the author/co-author of numerous best-selling books, including: Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You? Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You?…The Workbook Healing Your Aloneness The Healing Your Aloneness Workbook Inner Bonding Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By My Kids? Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God? Margaret holds a Ph.D. in psychology and is a relationship expert, public speaker, seminar leader, consultant, facilitator, and artist. She has appeared on many radio and TV shows, including the Oprah show. She has successfully worked with thousands of individuals, couples and business relationships and taught classes and seminars for over 42 years. Dr. Paul’s books have been distributed around the world and have been translated into many languages. After practicing traditional psychotherapy for 17 years, Margaret was discouraged by the results – both for her clients and herself. She had spent years trying to heal from her own dysfunctional and abusive background, but found herself still suffering with anxiety and relationship problems. She started to seek a process that works fast, deep, creates permanent change, loving relationships, inner peace, and joy. In 1984, she met and became friends with Dr. Erika Chopich, who had half the Inner Bonding® process, and Margaret had the other half! They have been evolving this incredibly powerful healing process for the last 26 years. Margaret works with individuals and couples throughout the world – on the phone, in workshops and 5-Day Intensives, and with members of Inner Bonding Village at http://www.innerbonding.com. She is able to access spiritual Guidance during her sessions, which enables her to work with people wherever they are in the world. Dr. Margaret has just completed a 12 year project call SelfQuest®, which is a transformational self-healing/conflict resolution software program. SelfQuest® is being donated to prisons and schools and sold to individuals, families, and businesses. You can read about SelfQuest® and see a short video of it at http://selfquest.com. In her spare time, Margaret loves to paint, make pottery, take photos, watch birds, read, ride and play with her horses, and spend time with her children and grandchildren.

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